She's something-seven

I just LOVE birthdays. They help you set mental milestones where you can let go of the old and welcome in the new. Birthdays are also a good time for reflection and setting a tone for the next 365 days. If you can look back on the past year and say with confidence that you are a better person than you were a year ago, then you know you are living your life right. They should not be about feeling old or freaking out about what you have or haven't done. They should be a celebration of the good, a focus on what you have going for you and what is yet to be.

A month ago, I was worried that this was going to be the first birthday that I wasn't going to look back and feel like I had grown as a person and become a better version of myself. How could I overlook the amazing things 26 had to offer????? 26 was very good to me. Here is my year in review.

• Not only did I run my first marathon, but I ran 2 marathons and one of them was BOSTON. That in itself just blows my mind now when I look back on it. I think these marathons are my proudest accomplishments. They are the hardest thing I have ever done, have had the most positive effect on my personality, and have changed me the most. This is HUGE.
• I took my first BIG vacation and went to Tahiti. I never thought that this dream would become a reality, and now the travel bug has bit me hard. It gave me the confidence to hop on planes and travel the globe. I did tons of traveling this year, including 2 trips to Boston, Washington DC, Las Vegas, San Diego, and of course French Polynesia. I can't wait to continue my travels, with Boston again next month, Santa Barbara, and maybe even Vegas again at the end of the month (for a conference). I hope I can convince someone to go with me to Thailand and maybe even knock some other outdoor adventures off my bucket list.
• I became the first person in my family to get an advanced degree when I got my MA this spring. I always knew I would do this, but having it done feels so good and I am so proud that I can share it with my family; I never would have been able to do it without them.
• I got my first full time teaching job and was asked back for a second year. I am very confident my calling in life is education, and it feels good to do something that helps others elevate their status in life, even if they do not realize it. Teaching is rough and some days I find myself questioning my choice of HS (darn teenagers!), but ultimately I know there is no other job I could feel more fulfilled in.

27, 27, 27. I feel good about the person I am become and where the next year will take me. 27 is going to be about me and my family. Not about trying to live some idea of perfection gathered from other people's experiences. People I love having babies? That's cool, but that doesn't mean I need one soon. Houses, nice cars, husbands? This year I am not going to let myself feel pressured because I decided to take a different route and focus on work and school. In the past fews years I have met some amazing people, and I think what is going to make 27 great is just focusing on making those relationships flourish.

After all, I have decided that my Wonderful, Wonderful (thanks Xaarlin, I love this term) will be someone who is revealed when I least expect it, someone who is more than a lover or boyfriend but a best friend I can't live without. The best relationships are ones that are not forced, so here's to a year of just taking it easy and letting the world show me all the wonderful things it has it store. 27 is going to be the best version of me BABY!

Freeway fruit

10 miles/ 2:04:00

Instability has allowed me to fall into a training funk, but today was the exception. With so much on my mind as a look for a place to live and get ready for a new school year, I have been prone to just wander aimlessly in my thoughts, sometimes while walking around a store, driving around town, or just sitting/lying around. This morning I decided it would be best to try to get my head organized by getting out for a run. No music, no gadgets, just 2 gels and a bottle of water.

Lately running has felt like a chore or a task on a to do list, and I have been really envious of people who get out and run/bike/swim/spin for the shear joy of it. I decided that my training needs a drastic makeover. I am abandoning my training plan (for the most part) and running based on feeling. I had no idea how far I ran today until I got home and mapped it (I had a feeling it was around 10 or 11). I was pretty impressed with my pace, considering I stopped to stretch at mile 2, stopped to eat a pear off a tree on the side of the trail by the freeway at mile 5 (awesome, right?), and stopped to ask for a water refill at mile 7 (which they didn't have. Well water is one of the few downsides of country running). Even with all those stops, my time tells me I am running around the pace I want to be to finish my next marathon under 5 hours. That, my friends, feels GREAT.

I absolutely love country running. Today I ran past a ton of different crops: summer wheat, walnuts, sorghum, alfalfa, corn, squash, grapes, pears, apples, and sunflowers. I saw some great metal sculpture art in from of a farm house. People don't mind sharing the road when the shoulder is narrow and overgrown. Cute cyclists tell you hello. There was a refreshing breeze blowing off the delta and the sun was shining. It was the perfect day for a run.

Life is full of restart buttons and chances for re-dos. Sometimes it is difficult to see it as such. Yeah, my training is in the crapper and I haven't felt my best, but today seems like a pretty good day to press that restart button... again. I'm off to go have a chicken & roasted beet salad. I decided yesterday to reintroduce vegetables back into my diet :)

Just go with the flow: Tahiti

Getting to Moorea was no simple task. It takes about 24 hours travel time to get from home to Paradise. From parking fiascos (thank goodness there was no traffic!) to delayed flights to SPRINTING through my least favorite airport (LAX) to find the mystery terminal and barely make our flight, we definitely started vacation out on our toes.

finally on the Tahiti flight!

With all this, we knew that the luggage was not going to make it on the flight. After all, luggage can't sprint to it's terminal. We were right. I was cursing United as we ran around like chickens with our heads cut off, not knowing that this was actually a blessing in disguise.

Catholic Church in Papeete

Once in Tahiti, lack of luggage allowed us to wander the island without bags in tow. We walked from the airport to Papeete (about 2.7 mi) and saw some local color. I probably wouldn't recommend this (my mother would be less than pleased to hear about this), as it might not have been the safest idea, but it was a ton of fun and we didn't encounter one malicious person. Even the stray dogs were friendly. It was 5:30 am after all.

We were able to walk around town before all the hustle and bustle began. It would have been nice to have some local currency, but our home bank and LAX were out of French Polynesian Francs and all the local banks were closed. Maybe we could have seen this movie in French:

Sunrise from runway overlook

Watching the sunrise over the Pacific was awe-inspiring. The goal of the trip was to just roll with the punches and leave everything behind. I had been waiting 5 years for this trip, and finally I was there. Everything felt surreal, it was happening so fast and each moment was hard to hold onto. I could feel myself changing and for the first time in a VERY long time, I felt like I was in control of my life and my destiny.

Twitter makes me feel like a celebrity

Today kicks off the 100 days of summer challenge, which I am optimistically embarking on. I am challenging myself to 30 minutes of purposeful activity a day for the next 100 days. 20 laps in the pool, breast and freestyle taught me two things: first, my form is terrible and my college swim instructor would be terribly upset if she was watching, and second, salt water pools rock. How did I not know that the pool at my apartment was salt water? And heated? If only it was olympic sized, it would be HEAVEN.

This all started last night. I had a dream about swimming laps in a pool, which I haven't done regularly for 2 years (almost to the day). I had a few outings last year, but my aquatic fitness has really gone by the wayside. I love to swim but have never considered myself a swimmer. Someday I would like to change that, just like how I changed the whole "runner" thing. In my dream, it was perfect, gliding through the water for thousands of yards. Every part of me felt good. I knew I had to get in a pool today, and I am glad I did. I hope I can find time to do it more.

I confess, I haven't been exercising at all for the past 3 weeks (I am shamed, hence the lack of blogging). I have been using every ounce of energy just to get through my daily routine. I have worried that I will never run again (not likely) and be stuck in this funk forever. My batteries have needed a major recharge. Big changes are coming my way: I will be moving back to Southern California soon to look for work. The district has laid off so many teachers I have given up hope of being reinstated. The private school was a dream job, except the salary was not high enough for me to pay off my student loans and afford to buy my weekly ramen allotment. I am taking this as an opportunity to return to my roots and have a fresh start. I have been deeply homesick and I am very excited to be able to see my family again on a regular basis instead of just on the major holidays. I had a great training routine last summer, doing speed work on the middle school track and long runs with killer hills. Most of all, my family is looking forward to having me as their personal chef, which makes me feel incredibly special and excited to try out some new ideas on them, including another round of sorbets and ice creams. Everybody needs something that makes them feel incredibly special!

Which brings us back around to the title of this post. I consider myself a mediocre runner who runs slow miles and has yet to finish a marathon without having to take walk breaks in the last 8 miles. Despite the fact I know that there are so many better runners out there, running still makes me feel special. Being a runner attracted my first celebrity follower on Twitter (Bart Yasso), which was the highlight of my month. Running coaches re-tweeting and responding to my tweets makes me feel like a million bucks. Making friends at races and feeling like their insider follower on twitter makes running relationships magical. But what makes me feel the most special, the most important, is friends and family who have experienced my tortoise-like approach while waiting hours at the finish that make me feel special by bragging about accomplishments for me and always cheering me on like I am Kara Goucher or something.

I'll close with a senior quote from a student in the dance department, which I think really hits on why life is bringing me back home:

"We're not here to impress those who judge us, we're here to make those who will never judge us proud"

Good Things: Monday Edition

I devoured Dean Karnazes Ultra Marathon Man, gobbling it up in less than 24 hours. That man is a running machine. I am confident I will never reach his level of insanity when running, but I am inspired to continue to push myself and challenge my mind and body to see how much I have to give. The prospect of this is very exciting. And Amanda at Runninghood has pointed me toward some more reading to get me one more step out of my mental slump. Yay!  She is an amazing, reflective, introspective runner/mom/teacher so I have a feeling these books are going to be good. I just love blogging. It opens up so many connections and possibilities I would otherwise be without.

More good news, the ol' running buddy wants to do another race! It only took her 7 months to stop hating me for Nike Women's Marathon. Pending my employment status, we may be running the California International Marathon this winter. I really prefer racing with a someone rather than flying solo. This alone is helping me change my mental state.


In addition to thing running, I am so lucky to have friends and family outside of my running world who are so understanding and supportive, even if they don't get why I want to keep running races and (temporarily) destroying my body. Without Mags and the Bestie, I would be a complete mess. You ladies build me up when I am down, bring me back to earth when I am getting over the top, and unknowingly make me smile when I least expect it and need it the most. I can't imagine my life without them in it. I am lucky to be a woman because I just don't see guys having such rich relationships like this. Love Love Love.


Life is a crazy roller coaster right now, and I have definitely let it get the best of me. Reading my posts for this same time last year, when I was still stressed and feeling lost in life, I noticed I was still upbeat and full of hope. That's the Stephanie I want to return to. When times got tough, I started to do the "Good Things" post to fuel optimism and maintain a humor about things. So, I am going to resume this tradition and get back to the lighter side.

I have an Interview!

The job search officially began about a month ago, but now it is officially official now that I have an interview. Nervous because it is uncharted territory: Middle school and some science teaching responsibilities. The idea of working at a private school is exciting; having met some of the parents at this school already, I know that I will not face the same struggles as I have this year working with at-risk population. I also have applications with other schools closer to my family, which I am eagerly awaiting a response. I was never good at this waiting game.

I really underestimated how difficult my first year of teaching would be. Was it because it was my first year teaching high school? That I had never taught single-subject before? That I was the minority in each of my class periods? All of the above? I am ending this school year utterly exhausted from trying to be the best teacher possible for these kids, constantly having to defend my students, my career and my profession, and end back at square one without employment secured for next year.  I knew that I would most likely be pink slipped for the first 5 years. I knew it would be long hours making lesson plans and trying to figure out the best practices. I never once doubted if I had it in me to be an amazing teacher (I really believe I was born for this profession). But I would be lying if I didn't think to myself at least once or twice the past few weeks if I had what it takes to get past the next 4 years so I am not a statistic (Most teacher quit within 5 years of entering the profession).

With so many changes and things consuming my mental capacity, I have decided not to keep jumping into races. I am going to avoid setting myself up for failure and/or injury by committing the race without adequate training. Instead, I am working on my mental game. I have been a reading machine, finishing the book The Female Brain by Louanne Brizendine (fantastic read for both men and women) and started Dean Karnazes Ultra Marathon Man. Reading about how other people use running to become better at living is like soul food. I just eat it up.


When you hear about injury set backs in training, you mostly hear about physical injuries. There is overwhelming information about how to prevent and recover from IT band issues, nasty blisters, and muscle strains. But rarely do you read about how to overcome mental injuries. When life hits you like a bus and you just can't get back out to do what you love best. Anything that is of the mind is taboo for discussion in our culture.  In a sport so devoted to mental endurance and fitness of the mind, I am surprised there are not as many resources focused on treating injuries of the mind and spirit. If you fracture your hip, you can water run. Stretching, cross training, and rest all help us prevent and treat the physical things keep us from logging our best miles. But when the great motivator in our head breaks down, where do we turn to? How does a runner learn to heal? How do you prevent injuries of the mind/spirit in the first place?

For now I am sticking to small stuff, mostly 30 minute cross training sessions, some treadmill, and a lot of reading and research to get my mental game back. I have lost the mental fortitude I went into my Nike Women's Marathon training with (Boston sucked the runner's life out of me?), and I am desperately seeking it back. Now I am trying to figure how to just shut up about all the bad stuff and get out for a nice, long run.

NWM 2011 Group?

No miles this week. I totally suck.

Why? I am having a really hard time coping with work and life stress. I thought that once my Master's work passed committee, I would be free and happy, but the vacuum was immediately filled with other challenges. So is life.

Last year I had to prepare for not having a job in the fall. Part of being a teacher. Well, I find myself potentially in the same position again, and I am not dealing with it with as much grace as I did in the past. Nothing is more frightening than failure. And it seems at the moment failure is confronting me from MANY different angles.

To help myself cope and give myself a distraction, I registered for my first marathon. Training for the Nike Women's Marathon gave me something to focus on when the going got tough and a goal to work towards if I found myself unemployed. Seeing myself in a similar place as last March, it makes sense to register for the race again and hope it helps carry me through a potentially anxious summer. Maybe it will be the good luck charm that helps me keep my job for another year.

So, I am going to make a group for the NWM 2011 and get a group of people together to run the race. I have a guaranteed entry, and I hope that if I use a group ID it will mean my group will have an entry as well. No matter where you are or if we have met before, if you follow my blog I would LOVE it if you would consider getting together to run this race! If this sounds good, leave a comment and we can figure out how to make this happen. I plan on getting the group ID in the next few weeks and I will post more about it when I get it.

This race was a ton of fun. The course was challenging, and I liked that there is a half marathon option than that your team can be a mix of half and full runners. Even in the rain, I had a great time. My goal this year is to not hit the wall and limp around the lake miles 18-22, as well as set a new course record, hopefully sub 5 hours. I am slow, I know.

On a final note, I was reading the McRunner's blog (the guy who ran the LA Marathon after eating a diet of McDonalds for 30 days), and a quote really stuck out to me:

"At 4:16 I ran 3-4 days per week, for a peak of about 35 miles. To run 2:36:54 last year, I put in 10-13 runs per week (ran 7 days per week) and hit 105 miles. While the numbers are just for reference, I have seen everyone around me improve with additional mileage. Arthur Lydiard hit on something when he said, 'Miles make champions.' "

I am a slow runner. But I am a new runner. I have no formal training. Everything I know about running is from reading 2 books, my subscriptions to Runner's World, Google, and the blogs I follow. I am running 2-3 days a week and will peak below 30 miles. I never played sports. I hardly worked out before I started running 2 years ago. He is well on his was to cutting is time in half. If I cut my time in half, I could EARN a BQ. My new Mantra is "Miles Make Champions". It make take me a while to put the words into action (I need to learn some stress management first), but I am determined to make it happen. 

Not only will I break 5 hours for a marathon, but I will someday break 3:30. And I am going to do it one  mile at a time.

Welcome to my big, fat pity party

5 weeks until Boston

14 miles of training this week

3 easy runs, rest week

This has been a bummer week and I have let it get the best of me. I am in a TERRIBLE funk. Luckily all my favorite blogs posted great weeks, and this is helping me put things into perspective. I am not there yet, but I am starting to turn this frown upside down. 

Because I am in a funk, I haven't felt like blogging or running. Thankfully I did more running than blogging, but fell short of my mileage goals. My mind is just not in the right place to marathon train. I need to change this fast. So I am going to try to take this advice, posted by one of my favorite bloggers (the blogger I won my Boston entry through). Man, does she come through when I need it the most. Straight from SUAR's blog:

"Whatever you are battling, patience is your friend. When we’re in the thick of hard times (and I’m not just talking about running) we think it will always be this way. It won’t."

Right now I am feeling like I can't get a break, but that is just my pity party talking. I did get a break: I got an entry to Boston, I have the means to get myself there and the physical ability to get myself over the finish line. That's big. I also just finished my Master's Degree. That is huge. I am the first person in my family to obtain a Master's Degree, and that is an accomplishment for all of us. I have to remind myself of this every day.

"The wonder of life is that there is ebb and flow. Highs and lows. Just as much as you can count on the low points, you can count on things turning around and heading up. Your “normal” might be different, but so be it. The only true thing we can count on in this life is that there will be change."

Whenever things get tough, I always cry and complain that I just want things to be normal and constant. I am not sure when I am going to realize that this is just not reality, but I need to get a better grip on that. Without the lows, we would never appreciate the highs. Instead of bumming, I need to embrace them to make myself stronger. That is the person I want to be. So I need to just suck it up and do it!

"Don’t waste energy comparing yourself to the next guy/gal/transvestite. Use all of your energy to keep moving forward with your goals. It’s overstated, but true: there will always be someone faster, stronger, thinner, richer, fitter, less constipated whatever. There will also always be someone slower, weaker, fatter, poorer, more out of shape, more constipated. The only way you can truly win is when you exceed your expectations for yourself. However that looks."

This week's training schedule:

3 miles Easy

6 miles Tempo

16 miles Long Run

My new diet plan requires that I exercise at least 30 minutes a day. This being a crazy week where I have to work late, I am not sure that is going to happen, but when I can do it, it is going to be great for cross training. Hopefully I can slim down and drop a few to make Boston easier.

Decisions, Decisions

Today I was given the opportunity to apply for a grant that would allow me to get my general science credential for free. Which would be awesome if I end up teaching a physics/algebra block class. Only trouble is that it would start as soon as I got back from Tahiti and I would have to spend a lot of time studying for the general science examinations. I haven't even finished my Masters and I am already thinking about going back to school... thats a real teacher for you.

I had hoped to step up my running big time and do a ton of experimenting in the kitchen this summer. Scheduling more classes is totally going to ruin that. On one hand it is free, and I bet I am going to get bored just running and cooking; on the other hand, I have NEVER had a summer in my adult life where I wasn't insanely busy. Will I be foolishly missing out on a great opportunity or do I just need to relax? I have until the end of the month to decide.

4th quarter comeback

Workouts: Wednesday 30 minutes hill climb on the elliptical (my favorite inside workout) that really made me sweat, today a mile and a half with a nice hill. Keeping the runs short to help condition the foot and using lots of low impact alternatives, like weights and elliptical. Yay for not screwing my foot up! I'll be really proud if I can get 2.5 miles in Christmas Day. If Santa brings a Garmin, I am totally hitting the pavement. If not, I am hitting the tray of cookies.

Being with old friends reminds of how much I have changed since my adolescence. At one time of my life, I was the alpha personality in my social circle. Now, I am so far from that and my social circle has shrunk considerably. Is this just part of getting older?  It felt good to feel confident and laugh and have a good time. 2011 is going to focus more on feeling confident about being me and less about worrying about pleasing other people. It's time to reestablish some solid roots. Having a good talk with my marathon training buddy reminded me of the riches good friends bring to life. The past few years have been about establishing a career for myself. 2011 is going to be about building strong relationships.

On an exciting note, I bought my first dress for the Tahiti trip on clearance at Nordstrom's rack. I am so excited for everything this next year is going to bring!

I remember thinking midyear that 2010 was not the year I hoped it was going to be. I should have never given up at halftime. I have so many things to be thankful for and so fortunate for everything this past year has brought, especially the very special people in my life. Good people and new beginnings. Oh, what a wonderful year!

O-M-G!!!!!!!

The past few days have been good progress getting back into the swing of things. I still need to get gel inserts, but since mileage is low still I don't feel any rush to visit Dr. Schols.  2 miles on the dreadmill Thursday, 30 minutes on the elliptical Friday and today, and hopefully 3 miles tonight once I get done with this post. I can't wait for it to stop raining so I can start building miles again...I just can't do more than 30 minutes on the dreadmill... it is sooooo boring! Maybe my next post will devoted to researching the top 10 things to make the dreadmill less boring, lol.

So, guess who wasn't going to run tonight because she is cold, it is raining, and the dreadmill sucks? Me. But then I got a Blogger Award from Jes at Self Motivation , so I have to go back into the cold so I can keep up my good progress ;) Thanks Jes for kicking my butt and helping me keep my eyes on the prize!

Now, there is little about me that is stylish. I wear jeans, t-shirts, and Chuck Taylors. My boyfriend's furniture matches better than mine. To give myself some credit, I am getting my hair done tomorrow, which makes me look more stylish than I really am for a couple weeks. I am just style challenged. But I admire people with style, so that must count towards something as well.

I have been told I do write with style. In fact, I have been told my writing is identical to the way I talk. And sometimes I do have a way with words. So when my blog is whiny, can you imagine how whiny I must be in real life. Be thankful you don't live with me. But enough of me justifying an award I have already won. The deets of the award:

The Award’s Rules:

Thank the person who gave you the award.

Tell 7 facts about yourself.

Give the award to 7 bloggers you just love.

Leave the 7 bloggers a comment telling them they won.

So, it is kinda like a blog version of a chain letter. Except it doesn't make you mad because it is an award and it doesn't threaten to ruin your life if you don't pass it on. I am not sure if 7 people even allow me to stalk  follow their blogs, so hopefully my first child won't be cursed if I can only pass it on to 6.

7 Things About Me:

I have really weird and awkward anxieties. Like, I hate to say positive things about myself without following them up with something negative. How annoying is that! I think they call it low self-esteem....I call it breaking yourself down so people feel too awkward to say mean things to you. Lol.

I love to read. Nothing is more relaxing than a good book. My love overflows into book hoarding. I feel like if I get rid of a book I am also getting rid of the story. Physical possession of the book means I still have the knowledge. Not sure where I picked up this delusion. No one else in my family does this. Or reads as much I do. Maybe one day i'll have to bee one of those tragic ladies on TLC where they have to save her from here own self-destructive book hoarding behavior.

I sincerely believe that there is nothing I can't learn or do, besides learning a foreign language. I have a cocky confidence that I could learn any job and probably do it better than anyone else. I think that is how I ended up being a high school Math teacher, even though I studied to be an elementary school teacher and have a Religious Studies degree. That's also how I ended up a runner... someone once told me I would probably never be able to run a marathon because I was not an athlete. WHO IS THE REAL ATHLETE NOW MY FRIEND?!?!?!?!?!  BOOYAH!!!!!! As for the foreign language thing, I think I lost that part of my brain when I got that concussion in college. Just slammed it right out of the ol' noggin.

I've always been fascinated by religion but in the last 10 years have really struggled to find a faith/faith community that speaks to me. Our spare bedroom is full of books on nearly every religion. I love bits and pieces of them all. Recently I have been feeling the tug to re-explore spirituality but have been too stressed to deal with it. I think it is important to raise children with some religious guidance. Faith communities can do a lot to help families raise morally sound children, and I really want to provide the sanctuary and structure of religion to my family. Not that I am in the family way, married, or even engaged...

I love to cook and I love to eat. Someday I want to sell my ice cream and food at a farmer's market or something just for fun. Not to make money, but just to see people enjoy the food I can make. I love watching people eat what I have made. Nothing is more satisfying that preparing an excellent meal for people that you love. Favorite recipes: Crab Rangoon and Lemon Sorbet (not together, of course). I can send them to you if you want em!

I have crazy vivid dreams. They can ruin my day if I wake up and I have trouble separating dream from reality. They often make me mad, sad, or make me scared, and sometimes I get really upset with people for things they do in my dreams, even though they didn't really happen. I dream often and usually multiple times a night. I typically can remember them in a ridiculous amount of detail and remember them for many years after they happen.

I hate to be alone, yet I am not a very social person. I was so bored today on my first day of winter vacation because I didn't have anyone to talk with until JF came home from work. Really hard coming down from seeing some of my favorite people thins weekend an being super social. It will help to be home and be around family. I am already making a list of things to talk about with my new hairdresser tomorrow so I can fulfill my social cravings. And, JF is taking me to Mustards tomorrow, which is supposed to be way yummy, so I have that to look forward to as well. I think teaching is good for me because I get to interact with so many different people through the course of the day while regulating how social I want to be.

So, enough about me. Time to pass this sweet award on to some deserving bloggers. Here are some ladies who's writing style and sense of humor I just adore. I highly recommend you check them out!

Beth at Shut Up And Run: She has like a million of these things, so this is probably just another drop in her bucket of awesomeness. She is inspiring as an athlete, offensive in the funniest of ways, and just a good hearted person. Her blog always raises my spirits (but sometimes turns my stomach) and has inspired the shirts for a friend's Bachelorette Party in Vegas this year (Pussy Posse 2011). Yay Beth!

Devon at Love Notes: Devon just started blogging (maybe this week?) but I know her blog is going to be fabulous. She has a beautiful family, a great sense of humor, and tells it like it is. She might just be the cutest military mom you'll ever read. I hope this encourages her to keep blogging!

Skinny Runner: This is, by definition, what a stylish running blog is. I pretty much want to be her and plan on race stalking her if I ever move back to Southern California. I am pretty sure she has a ton of blogging awards as well because she is fabulous.

Raquel at Nelepovitz Family: Raquel (aka bestie) is the most stylish person I know, and she can do it on a dime. I can't wait till that little bun pops out of the oven because she is going to post some awesome DIY baby stuff. And, she pretty much is the one that got me into blogging.

Joanna at Joanna Runs: Another one of the people who found me randomly and still follows my blog, even through the darkest times. She is funny. I am not. She is such a great follower because she leaves the best messages and is so encouraging. I stole the term "dreadmill" from her, which I plan to overuse as much as possible until spring.

Jamie at Daydream Believer: I love her new(ish) custom blog and think she is at her best when doing the weekly review of The Bachelorette, which is my guilty pleasure and why I started following her in the first place. Super cute, super funny.

Getting back into the swing of things

Now that the semester is winding down, I am finally regaining control of my life, albeit a temporary return of control. Today I did a short run on my favorite treadmill (NOT!!!) but was proud of myself for getting my fitness on. 20 minutes at 5.5 mph (I know, underwhelming right?). It was more about getting out than how many miles I got in. I am hoping to get some miles in this weekend and next week as well.

Work has destroyed my training over the last 3 months. The obscene amount of stress I am going through is sucking the life and humor out of me. I remember being a light hearted, playful person. Now I feel like I am turning into a tired, whiny, back down the chubby road person. I realized today this is on of those moments where I need to regain control now or I will slip into a nasty spiral and won't come back until I hit rock bottom. Like 2005-2008.

So, my solution is to restart my training calendar and put it in a place where I will see it every day. I am going to eat more salads and vegetables. I need to figure out a way to curb emotional eating (which I am doing way too much of now). I am planning ahead for next semester (I am nearly done planning my units for January!) so maybe I can wake up early/get home from work earlier to go to the gym and get my mileage back up. It is a vicious cycle: Life gets busy so you have less time to run, then you have less energy because you are not running, which makes it even harder to get out and run. If I could only figure out how to balance everything so the stress never gets the chance to take over. I'd feel better about myself, manage stress better, and be an overall happier person. If I put on all the weight I have lost over the past 2 years, I am NEVER going to forgive myself. That might be the biggest disappointment ever.

As the year winds down, I am practicing the new habit I am going to make in the new year. Let's hope for more blogging, more funny stories, and hard bod for Tahiti. I've done it before and now it's time to convince myself I can do it again!

Pain Free is the Way to Be!

2 miles this morning, no pain. First run since the doctor's visit 2 weeks ago. I will say, I am very pleased. Now to get some cushy inserts for my new shoes. I am so relieved that the stress of injury is gone. Now I just have to find the patience to build mileage gradually and not mess up the ol' hoof again.

Today I went to register for the Napa-to-Sonoma Wine Country Half Marathon... and at the check out, it ended up costing over $130. For a half marathon. Thats more than it cost to run the Nike Women's Marathon in SF, and that included a Tiffany's necklace, tech shirt, backpack, and reusable bag. Needless to say, we are scratching that overpriced half marathon off the list. I am thinking about replacing it with the Moonlight half Marathon in Davis...It might be run to run at night with a bunch of other glowstick-clad runners.

Running is supposed to be a cheap sport. But racing is a whole other beast. Between the money I spend on shoes so I don't have foot problems, gels and chews to fuel myself on long runs, and registration fees, This is turning out to be just as expensive as any other sport. I say cut the frills and make races cheaper.... and start by cutting the shirts to cut costs. I have never gotten a race shirt that I actually liked. Even a tech one.

Monumental Turning Points

When you build a fortress to protect yourself from the heartache others have caused you, you tend to block EVERYBODY out. Once again Mom, you were right. I thought I was being independent, doing right by myself in efforts to make sure I would never have to depend on a man for anything. Men can't be depended on anyway, right? I couldn't see that I was setting up my life to have to do things alone.

Historically, I have never been one for teamwork. I hold true to the mantra "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." So if I really want to transition into the next phase of life, to find someone to spend the rest of my days with and start a family with, I suppose today is the day I am going to have to learn to be a team player. Folks, this is not going to be easy.

Aren't relationships about sharing and doing this as partners, together? Not just watching someone achieve their dreams and hoping that they mesh well with your own achievements? I am quite positive there is no good man who wants to sit back and watch as I buy my own house and plan my own trips while he just tags along. A good man will want to buy a house with me, plan trips with me. My problem? I haven't been properly schooled in what a man who is good for me looks like.

Oh Yeah!

Today was a critical milestone in my marathon training. I felt like I was in an epic training story, it was A-MAZ-ING! So, I get up this morning and I am totally pumped for my run, deciding to log 13 miles today with significant hill work, including the small mountain I scouted out last week. The hill starts a little before mile 4, and I am climbing up my merry little way. Now, this is no hill. This is a mountain appropriately named Atlas Peak. 15 minutes into the climb as I run around a turn, I just stop. I sit on the guard rail on the side of the mountain staring up at The Wall. If you are a runner, you know what I mean by The Wall, and it probably made you shudder just thinking about it. If you aren't a runner, The Wall is that thing you hit at the gym after panting on the treadmill for 10 minutes. The Wall knows no mercy and takes many victims.

So, staring up the hill at the wall, I start thinking maybe I set myself up for too much today. Then, the corniest thing happens. A song from Braveheart comes on the iPod and my Coach Stephanie appears out of no where. I look up the road, which climbs FOREVER, and I tell myself that part of training is making really hard choices. No one is going to push me up this hill, and if I quit here, I am going to cement that wall in place and never be able to conquer this peak. People DO NOT complete marathons by building walls. So what did I do? I channeled the Kool Aid man and busted through that wall (oh yeaahh!). One step at a time, watching my tempo, I climbed up the peak, and actually ended up running past my turn around point because I was loving the climb. And because there was this crazy looking goat at the top that I wanted to laugh at.

So, the final recap? I ran farther and longer today than I ever have in my life. 2 hours, 45 minutes. 14.1 miles. 1000 feet of ascent. I have never felt so confident about my ability as a runner. BOOYAH!

The last 24 hours have felt like everything in life was designed specifically for me. I don't feel like I am part of someone else's dream. This is my dream, everything has fallen into place into ways I never dreamed could be true, and I hope this amazing high lasts forever.

More Chortles!

Thought for the morning: life needs more laughter. Laughing feels so good. Therefore my new goal is to try to have a hearty laugh at least once a day. I'm going to laugh more, and hopefully the people around me will as well. No more woe is me!

I mean, life is just too short to live any other way :)

Hot Bliggity Blog!

So, time to refresh the blog with a new background. Whaddya think? I am looking for something that is fresh but not too feminine, clean looking so people won't know how amateur I am, and free. I am kinda feeling the new look but wanna know how everyone else feels about it as well. Yes, I value your opinion. Isn't that touching? :)

I have been really chewing over this idea of "blasting" my blog on Facebook to let people know I have a blog. Actually, I have been thinking more about why the thought of having friends/family/frienemies reading my blog regularly seriously freaks me out and how that might change how I write and what I write. There is a lot of safety in anonymity. Am I just over thinking this? Is it bad that I don't want my mom to know I have a blog? (I am pretty sure she would freak out).

As I try to shape my blog and decide what personality I want it to take, I really have to evaluate why I started it, as well as what I want it to be become. Is this my personal training log for marathoning, where people can cheer me on and keep me accountable? Is this a place for random thoughts/ramblings and celebrating the good things in life? Can it be both? I follow some pretty funny blogs, and I love what they offer readers and their writers. Could I ever be one of those?

I need to kick my butt into gear and get back into training mode. No one wants to read a running blog written by someone who doesn't run. I especially don't want to write a blog where I am constantly making excuses about what I am NOT doing. But I feel even a stronger need to create a vision for my blogging. A big drive to blog was to become a better writer. I feel that creating some structure might help.

Any thoughts?

Love, Love, Love

As I made the epic drive from Northern California to Southern California yet again, I couldn't help but think about how lucky I am. Lucky to have friends that I love so much, I feel like they are family. That alone makes life rich.

Even if I die a single cat lady (which I WONT), I will have had a great life because of the wonderful people I consider my family.

Love Love Love :)

Thoughts on The Blind Side

I finally watched The Blind Side to see what all the Oscar hype was about. It leaves me with a few thoughts and questions to ponder as I lie in bed trying to fall asleep.

I am not a fan of movies and stories where the kind white people swoop in and save the poor black people from their own despair and misery. Too much of history is distorted to portray the kind charity of dominate society in helping the down and out minorities. It sends the message that people of color are not strong enough to help themselves, they need the hand of the white man to give them a boost. Don't get me wrong, this story of Michael Oher is extremely powerful. I think the Toohey family did an honorable thing in helping take care of a young person in need. I wonder, why does America love this movie? I fear it is because the dominate culture enjoys a good white hero story. And that is where I find this movie frustrating.

America needs more people like Leigh Ann Toohey. Not only is she a strong woman who knows how to do the right thing, but she combats her own stereotypes and prejudices so she can authentically love the young person she has brought into her life. That is why this story works for me. My favorite scene is when she is at lunch with her girlfriends and stands her ground against prejudice jokes made about people of color. This is the real heroism in the movie. Self reflecting, I have not done enough to stand up against racism, classism, and all the other -isms that are routinely exploited by dominate culture. How many times I have been sitting around with friends, heard an off-color comment, and not had the courage to tell that person that they should have been ashamed of themselves? Being passive perpetuates the problems that tear apart society.

I feel that had this movie been a poor white kid instead of a poor black kid, there would have been more emphasis on how hard the white kid worked, instead of how hard the white family worked for the black kid. Perhaps I am reading into this too much? I just don't think we (read: dominate culture) value the initiate and hard work of minority cultures beyond the holiday heros we celebrate as bank holidays. Dominate culture most definitely does not celebrate this as much as it does celebrates the hard work and perseverance of white culture. Children, all children, need to have role models in popular culture that demonstrate leadership and ability of people in their own culture. Yes, white children need to see people of their own culture breaking through the stereotypes and doing what is right, much like the Toohey family does in this film, but I think it is much more important to celebrate films where people from minority cultures can see a hero that looks like them finding success without the help of dominate culture. These children need to see this, because let's be honest, there are not enough Toohey families to make this story more common place.

Overall, I liked the film. It is always nice when a good person has good things come to them. I just wish we could move away from making movies that celebrate the white hero helping colored man out and make more box office Oscar winning hits that celebrate all the amazing things people from minority cultures have overcome without the white hero. Don't misunderstand me: I am not advocating that majority culture leave minority culture to their own means. There has so much injustice and inequity throughout history, there is much that needs to be done by dominate culture to bridge the gap that the dominate white culture has created between the haves and have nots. I am advocating that more attention be given to people who have overcome enormous obstacles without the help of the dominate white culture, because let's be honest, the man has been keeping them down.

No Pressure?

I was recently told that people in my program placed bets that I would be the first in the cohort to land a job... but so far I haven't even had an official interview. And this is worrisome to these people, because my lack of interviews represents to them something much bigger than my own success/failure.

Part of me has accepted the fact I might not find employment for the upcoming school year, and I have a plan B to address that. But now I feel a bigger responsibility to step up the search and find a position. No, the faculty recommendation did not go anywhere (boo), but I feel like people are depending on me to get a job, so I have to find some magic and make it happen.

What I would give to find the secret to getting an interview. I know that once I get interviews, I will have a job in no time.