Hot Bliggity Blog!

So, time to refresh the blog with a new background. Whaddya think? I am looking for something that is fresh but not too feminine, clean looking so people won't know how amateur I am, and free. I am kinda feeling the new look but wanna know how everyone else feels about it as well. Yes, I value your opinion. Isn't that touching? :)

I have been really chewing over this idea of "blasting" my blog on Facebook to let people know I have a blog. Actually, I have been thinking more about why the thought of having friends/family/frienemies reading my blog regularly seriously freaks me out and how that might change how I write and what I write. There is a lot of safety in anonymity. Am I just over thinking this? Is it bad that I don't want my mom to know I have a blog? (I am pretty sure she would freak out).

As I try to shape my blog and decide what personality I want it to take, I really have to evaluate why I started it, as well as what I want it to be become. Is this my personal training log for marathoning, where people can cheer me on and keep me accountable? Is this a place for random thoughts/ramblings and celebrating the good things in life? Can it be both? I follow some pretty funny blogs, and I love what they offer readers and their writers. Could I ever be one of those?

I need to kick my butt into gear and get back into training mode. No one wants to read a running blog written by someone who doesn't run. I especially don't want to write a blog where I am constantly making excuses about what I am NOT doing. But I feel even a stronger need to create a vision for my blogging. A big drive to blog was to become a better writer. I feel that creating some structure might help.

Any thoughts?

Good Things are coming this way!

Did I mention that life is overflowing with good things? Is it becoming annoying that I brag about them nearly every week? No? GOOD :)

So, kinda a big thing, and I am pretty sure it is a good thing. 2 people, complete strangers, stumbled upon my blog and were compelled enough to leave a comment, one even bold enough to FOLLOW me. Must be a runner, only a runner could appreciate most of my boring posts about how far I ran, what nasty gels I slurped down, and how my knee still hurts. Most people would just say, "Thats what you get for running XX miles. Stop racing around like a crazy person and your knee will be just fine." I'm sure that's what the bestie thinks every time she reads a marathon training update, lol. How loyal she is. Now I can stop following my own blog because I have more than one person following it. YAY! Some people, I won't name names (Matt) think I should give the blog a good ol' Facebook blast. SCARY!!!!!!! Strangers are cool, but people I know talking about how my blog tries to be witty but falls desperately short? TERRIFYING!!!!! More on this in a later post...

Back to things that are good. Luau this weekend!!!!!! I am painting giant cardboard tiki statues, butchering everything about the Hawaiian culture in order to have a fun and festive three way birthday party (sorry Bestie!). Not bad for a mainlander, and if they turn out respectable (in my eyes), I might post brag pictures. They stand 3 feet tall. We bought all sorts of kitschy deco to create ambiance. It is going to be fantastic. I am VERY excited!

Last good thing to point out? I got to spend quality time with my nephew. Little dude loves to swim, and loves teething on the side of the spa even more (it's flagstone, btw). I'm sure I gave him back to his mom with chipped teeth, but they are only baby teeth, and he barely has two, so I am sure they will grow back. I still can't get over the goofy smile that comes across his face after he breaks wind. Just like his daddy. Equally as smelly and gross. How does such a small creature make so toxic a scent? Dogs do it just as bad. What the heck?

Back to Basics

Some people believe in fate and destiny, others believe life has no true patterns, only the connections you choose to see. I am going to make a pattern out of coincidence? Perhaps, but maybe this weekend was meant to be.

Sometimes in life people will make you doubt the decisions of your past. You simply can't let them do this. The past is behind you, and that is where it needs to stay. So much in life is knowing the people who propel you forward and the type of people who hold you back. This distinction is not easily made, and you might spend your whole life learning to tell the difference between the two. When you do something you know is right, and other people try to make you second guess, watch for the person who can see the truth as you see it and help you stay true to your path. You must be your biggest advocate. If you don't advocate for yourself, then who will?

This doesn't mean be narrow-minded, seeking out only people who agree with you. It means be a truth seeker, and surround yourself with good honest people who can help you see what is best for yourself. To do this, you first must know yourself.

Last night I got some needed closure. It wasn't the little thing I thought it would be; I feel lighter and better balanced today than I have felt in a long time. Realizing how off-center I have allowed myself to become, I feel a renewed commitment to getting down to the core of me. Who is Stephanie? What does she stand for? I am NOT the anxious, socially withdrawn person I have allowed myself to be last handful of months.

I AM STRONG

I AM INDEPENDENT

I AM IN CONTROL

This summer, I am going to re-center and get back to who I have always been. There is no reason to let anyone or anything keep me down.

The thing about writing...

Word on the street is that to be a good writer, one of the things you need to do is write. Often. In my attempts to be a great writer some day, this blog will serve as my dumping ground. A series of really bad first drafts of things that maybe, just maybe, will appear in polished form, bound and published for your reading pleasure for sale on the shelf of Borders or even a cute little independent bookseller. But, probably not, as they will be much too mundane and whiny for America's palate.

Thought of the day:

Some people loose sight of their potential because they are not prepared for failure.

(Yes, I did come up with that on my own!)

I have gained an appreciation for my failures because they have helped bring the big picture into focus. Because my career in higher education did not work out, I discovered my passion for teaching. Why will I be a really good teacher? Because I have taught some really bad lessons. My practice at making mistakes has turned out to be pretty good practice for life. My favorite little saying right now "Luck is the when opportunity meets preparation." Now that I feel prepared, lets hope I am open to opportunity (read: someone please hire me for the next school year!)

As I get older, I notice that I put more value on the opinions of others. I am becoming more aware of what people are really trying to say, behind their correct words. I stop and think about why people are trying to tell me these things, and how I might have it all wrong. When I feel like I have it all figured out, that is when it seems I really don't have it figured out at all. I take a stand, and my mother tells me to calm down and wait it out. What?!? Instead of rebel, I let this marinate. Maybe I am the crazy one after all...

This week my supervisor tells me, for the hundredth time, to take it easy on myself. Don't be such a harsh critic. My master teacher nods and smiles in agreement. He believes that how I dialog with myself will transfer to how I dialog with students. When I hear this, I want to toss it out, because that is just who I am. That is what has made me successful, that is my survival skill. Believe me, I hear it a lot. Yet, I can't toss it out anymore. I am not sure how I can be successful without that critical devil siting on my shoulder whispering in my ear. But for the first time, I feel like maybe they are on to something. I need to be closer to my angel, who always sings words of encouragement. I thought I was making progress here, but it is clear I am backsliding.

Sometimes I feel as if everyone else can see the simple solutions for my life, and I can't even figure out where it is broken. I just know something doesn't feel right. It is if there is this code language that people speak to you, they are trying to help you make good decisions and find happiness. But it takes forever to figure out the code. Why can't everything be more clear? Why can't I decipher the code?

Will it always be this way? Will I ever have it all figured out? Will I ever find satisfaction if I do not? As I try to figure out where life is taking me, I stop and wonder, "who is driving this crazy bus?"