Santa Barbara International Marathon!

(Let's just pretend I haven't neglected my blog for the past 2 months)

So, this weekend was the Santa Barbara International Marathon. I registered for this race back in May or June as my "Plan B", kinda like Nike Women's Marathon. The thought was that if I didn't get hired back or find work over the summer, I would have something to focus on so I didn't get too down on myself. A goal to keep my positive. Well, it turned out I didn't need any "distractions" and this marathon proved to be a serious training nightmare.

Although I was pretty excited to get a good deal on some new diggs when I moved back up north and got my job back, I didn't anticipate the huge hit commuting would take on my fitness/running/personal life in general. The commute has been destroying me, and it destroyed my workout routine. Boo.

But I really can't blame it all on the commute. I was sneaking in treadmill time after work, even though I was exhausted. I was just too tired on the weekends to get good long runs in. Every time I tried to get a couple hours in, they always fizzled short. And then, after a couple trips to Vegas, the real bad news happened.

After Vegas trip #1 (September) I got a nasty case of Bronchitis. The verdict was that I had illness induced Asthma (so they thought) and I was put on a breathing regiment. I got some runs in to keep in shape for the bridesmaid dress, but all the long runs went out the window. I was back to training runs of 9 miles and less.

After Vegas trip #2 (October), the asthma took a turn for the worse. Apparently I am allergic to Vegas, as well as where I work/live, and was diagnosed with Reactive Airways Disease (whatever the heck that is...guess they couldn't decided it it was seasonal allergies of cigarette smoke). The weeks leading up to the marathon involved multiple trips to the doctor for emergency breathing treatments, chest x-rays, and physical therapy to fix the 3rd rib that popped out of place during one of the asthma attacks. Awesome.

The good news is that I am getting my breathing under control. And the rib is back where it belongs. When I am away from my triggers (smoke filled casinos and Napa Valley), my asthma disappears. I am still learning how to catch asthma before it flares up and adjusting medications so I can do what I love (run) without killing myself (seriously). This is my excuse for not blogging. So much has been going on, I have been in survival mode and haven't felt like sharing my struggles. Mostly because I was still figuring out how to make the best of them.

As you can imagine, my expectations for SBIM were pretty low the week leading up. On Wednesday, I was not sure if I would be running because my asthma was seriously flaring up. But once I got in the car and made the trip down to Santa Barbara, the mood changed and I knew it was going to be a great race.

SBIM is by far the best race I have ever run, and it has everything to do with the people who were supporting me. I got the most amazing text messages the nights and day leading up the race, it did so much to get me pumped up. Being there with my mom, aunt, and dearest friend gave me the confidence that life had sucked out of me the weeks leading up to the race. I went from not knowing if I would toe the line to setting a very serious sub 5 goal in a matter of hours. Marathons are mental games, and without all the love and good energy sent my way, I don't think I would have had as happy an ending.

The Good:

• My support team was awesome. I had people cheering me at at least 8 different locations on the route, which was an extreme morale booster. Every time I saw them I got so excited, my garmin went crazy telling me to slow down. The energy they fed me made the miles fly by.
• The volunteers were AMAZING. Everything was enthusiastic, kind, and caring. They made you so happy to be there, even though the miles were torture. Best volunteers of any race I have ever run, hands down.
• I met Skinny Runner and Once Upon A Lime at the start line (You can see my 5 seconds of fame here). I was just standing there, and I look over and recognize these two pretty ladies, and realize that they are my favorite bloggers. They were so nice, so positive, it just added to my already fabulous mood.
• The race was small, which made it easy. No corrals to bother with, no pushy crowds. Everyone was relaxed and it had a small town feel. Big races have lots of nervous energy, which can be very stressful. Instead, people were kind and generous, making it a very pleasant place to be.
• No bleeding, chafing, crying, or blisters. Yay!

The Ugly:

• Although I was on pace to finish sub-5 for the first 20 miles, I hit the wall bad on mile 21 and completely lost my pace. I never got it back. Better than Boston (I think I fizzled out at mile 16?), but still kinda bummed I was so much closer and couldn't pull out any more gusto to get me through the last 6 miles. I blame it on the lack of training and think this is totally fixable. I did a really good job of monitoring my pace, and having the pace tat on my arm really helped out.
• Got a NASTY cramp at mile 23 in the left quad, right after I got to the top of the ugly hill from hell (it was TERRIBLE). It was the weirdest feeling ever. I think I had too much to drink on the course and not enough salt. I ate 2 packs of margarita show bloks, but I don't think it was enough. I was disappointed that the medical tents didn't have salt tablets or that skin numbing spray they had in Boston. Are these unreasonable requests? Next time, I am totally packing salt tabs and equiping my support team with the numbing spray. I don't think it would have made a difference for my sub-5 time, but it might have made my time a little better.
• People were texting while running. Seriously. People can't put their iPhones away for 5 hours to run a race. What is our society becoming? I think one lady might have been playing angry birds while running. No joke. This was just bothersome.

When things fell apart at mile 21, I thought a lot about Boston and how it was really hard for me to be happy with my results. I made the conscious decision to make this race a good memory, shooting to PR without tearing down my body and spirit. I decided to walk/run the final 5 miles, and it made a huge difference. I was still able to shave 10 minutes off my previous PR in Boston, and crossed the finish line feeling FANTASTIC. I was strong, happy, and proud. It felt good and reminded me of why I started running: to feel the overwhelming wave of accomplishment and personal satisfaction of becoming a better person than who I started out as.

The biggest thing I bring away from this race is the power each of us has to be in control of ourselves and our experiences. I pulled a lot of strength from a Zen quote by Shunryu Suzuki, "You yourself make the waves in your mind." We alone shape the reality of our experiences. We decide how to process the sensations of the body and soul; the body and soul do not shape them for us. It is a very powerful when you realize that pain is only as agonizing as you allow it to be. Instead of beating myself up for not being able to make sub 5 a reality, I immediately set a new goal. I did not allow disappointment to make waves. I chose happiness and made it happen. I managed and minimized my pain (and there was PLENTY of it) instead of using it to punish myself for falling short of my goals. I think we have a tendency to do this often, and I am beginning to believe that it may be the root of much of our suffering.

Next steps? I have found a new place to live so I only commute 10 minutes instead of an hour and 10 minutes. This should give me more time to train for the Napa Valley Marathon (March 4th), where I have SERIOUS goals of running a sub-5 marathon. I am going to work more on pacing and getting some longer runs in before the race. Most of all, I am going to keep working on breathing and making sure that asthma doesn't define who I am or keep me from doing the things I love to do!

She's something-seven

I just LOVE birthdays. They help you set mental milestones where you can let go of the old and welcome in the new. Birthdays are also a good time for reflection and setting a tone for the next 365 days. If you can look back on the past year and say with confidence that you are a better person than you were a year ago, then you know you are living your life right. They should not be about feeling old or freaking out about what you have or haven't done. They should be a celebration of the good, a focus on what you have going for you and what is yet to be.

A month ago, I was worried that this was going to be the first birthday that I wasn't going to look back and feel like I had grown as a person and become a better version of myself. How could I overlook the amazing things 26 had to offer????? 26 was very good to me. Here is my year in review.

• Not only did I run my first marathon, but I ran 2 marathons and one of them was BOSTON. That in itself just blows my mind now when I look back on it. I think these marathons are my proudest accomplishments. They are the hardest thing I have ever done, have had the most positive effect on my personality, and have changed me the most. This is HUGE.
• I took my first BIG vacation and went to Tahiti. I never thought that this dream would become a reality, and now the travel bug has bit me hard. It gave me the confidence to hop on planes and travel the globe. I did tons of traveling this year, including 2 trips to Boston, Washington DC, Las Vegas, San Diego, and of course French Polynesia. I can't wait to continue my travels, with Boston again next month, Santa Barbara, and maybe even Vegas again at the end of the month (for a conference). I hope I can convince someone to go with me to Thailand and maybe even knock some other outdoor adventures off my bucket list.
• I became the first person in my family to get an advanced degree when I got my MA this spring. I always knew I would do this, but having it done feels so good and I am so proud that I can share it with my family; I never would have been able to do it without them.
• I got my first full time teaching job and was asked back for a second year. I am very confident my calling in life is education, and it feels good to do something that helps others elevate their status in life, even if they do not realize it. Teaching is rough and some days I find myself questioning my choice of HS (darn teenagers!), but ultimately I know there is no other job I could feel more fulfilled in.

27, 27, 27. I feel good about the person I am become and where the next year will take me. 27 is going to be about me and my family. Not about trying to live some idea of perfection gathered from other people's experiences. People I love having babies? That's cool, but that doesn't mean I need one soon. Houses, nice cars, husbands? This year I am not going to let myself feel pressured because I decided to take a different route and focus on work and school. In the past fews years I have met some amazing people, and I think what is going to make 27 great is just focusing on making those relationships flourish.

After all, I have decided that my Wonderful, Wonderful (thanks Xaarlin, I love this term) will be someone who is revealed when I least expect it, someone who is more than a lover or boyfriend but a best friend I can't live without. The best relationships are ones that are not forced, so here's to a year of just taking it easy and letting the world show me all the wonderful things it has it store. 27 is going to be the best version of me BABY!

Las Vegas!

One of the top 10 best weekends of my life, and it happened at exactly the right time. Comparable to the "We Still Got It" weekend with the bestie in NYC 2008. Although it is going to take several days to recover from Amanda's Ultimate Bachelorette Party, it was worth loosing my voice, unexplained bruises, and the cute little dent it put in my wallet. 

Just to recap, the past months have consisted of getting myself rehired, moving multiple times, teaching new classes, and how to get comfortable with myself in my new social situation. Vegas made me feel like a million bucks again, reminded me how much I have to offer, showed me that there is a "wonderful, wonderful" waiting for me somewhere out there, and empowered me to just love life and let the details work themselves out.

The girls were amazing. Amazing does not give them credit for how fantastic they really are. We had so much fun, no drama, just lots of screaming good times. I wish they didn't live on the other side of the continent. Even though we met a few unsavory individuals (ND fan in the casino, boundary crosser in Toby Keith's), we met so many super fun, super enjoyable people. Doctors, Engineers, Marines, Sailors, Surfers. We got VIP treatments and were constantly reminded of how truly awesome we are. Everyone needs a shot of self-esteem boost every once and a while!

How did I loose sight of the awesomeness? Not sure, but I have had a bad case of life burnout. Too much focus on everything that didn't go my way, and not enough focus on all the great things that are waiting to be seized. We start a new year this week, and 27 is going to be FANTASTIC. A year to bounce back and return to becoming the better version of myself. I am so excited for what this next year will have in store!

Barrel Tasting Recap

The good: 
Unlimited wine, catered food, and GREAT company made this an excellent night. And, I didn't spend any money because I decided to hold out until my purchases from last summer become available. Which I couldn't get a solid timeframe on, hence my apprehension. Will it be really really good or is it so bad they are afraid to release it? This years Cab Franc will only spend 6 more months in the barrel before it is bottled. WTF?

The bad:
I accidently threw a glass of wine on my mom. Doused her in the most expensive wine they were serving. I wish I could blame it on the alcohol, but pretty sure it was a result of being silly and would have happened even if I was sober. Made sure to stain treat it as soon as I got home to be a better daughter. I also will be her slave for the next week to make it up to her. Whoops. Not looking forward to tomorrow morning.

The ugly:
Drinking a cup of coffee when we got home, staying up late putting cheddar mohawks on Pringles with a can of easy cheese. I tried to convince someone to stay up with me and get biscuits & gravy at 2 am, but no one was having it. This is why no matter how much I run I will never loose weight.

Wine futures are expensive. And they are risky. Until I know ho my first gamble turned out, I am not ready to make future investments. I do know I need to further develop my palate and take advantage of all the tasting opportunities Napa has to offer. After reading this, don' you miss you could hang out with me so I could douse you in wine and make cheddar mohawks together at 1 am?

Good Things: Monday Edition

I devoured Dean Karnazes Ultra Marathon Man, gobbling it up in less than 24 hours. That man is a running machine. I am confident I will never reach his level of insanity when running, but I am inspired to continue to push myself and challenge my mind and body to see how much I have to give. The prospect of this is very exciting. And Amanda at Runninghood has pointed me toward some more reading to get me one more step out of my mental slump. Yay!  She is an amazing, reflective, introspective runner/mom/teacher so I have a feeling these books are going to be good. I just love blogging. It opens up so many connections and possibilities I would otherwise be without.

More good news, the ol' running buddy wants to do another race! It only took her 7 months to stop hating me for Nike Women's Marathon. Pending my employment status, we may be running the California International Marathon this winter. I really prefer racing with a someone rather than flying solo. This alone is helping me change my mental state.


In addition to thing running, I am so lucky to have friends and family outside of my running world who are so understanding and supportive, even if they don't get why I want to keep running races and (temporarily) destroying my body. Without Mags and the Bestie, I would be a complete mess. You ladies build me up when I am down, bring me back to earth when I am getting over the top, and unknowingly make me smile when I least expect it and need it the most. I can't imagine my life without them in it. I am lucky to be a woman because I just don't see guys having such rich relationships like this. Love Love Love.


Life is a crazy roller coaster right now, and I have definitely let it get the best of me. Reading my posts for this same time last year, when I was still stressed and feeling lost in life, I noticed I was still upbeat and full of hope. That's the Stephanie I want to return to. When times got tough, I started to do the "Good Things" post to fuel optimism and maintain a humor about things. So, I am going to resume this tradition and get back to the lighter side.

Same thing, different year

2.6 miles, 26:00 on treadmill

Supposed to be a much grander run. Apparently a double-double and milkshake for lunch= disaster on the treadmill. That unpleasant gurgle turned into a scream of terror as I ran out of that place. So, mileage cut short.

This time last year, I registered for my first marathon. It was my plan b, just in case I couldn't find a teaching job. I wanted to have something I could work towards, something I could accomplish to feel like I was still moving forward in life. And it worked.

In the past 12 months, I have completed my credential, earned my Master's degree, nearly completed my BTSA, and ran 2 marathons, improving my PR by nearly 20 minutes. I have already completed two of my goals for the new year: set new marathon PR and donate blood. I have had a very accomplished year.  The new challenge is not to let my new life complications get in the way of my sense of accomplishment and my ability to see that I am not failing in life. I'm not going to let these grey clouds rain on my parade!

So, I have been thinking to myself tonight, hours after I received my final reduction in force notice (pink slip) if I should register for my 3rd marathon to help get me through the next couple months and give me something to focus on.

There is something about the marathon, a comfort that other races do not hold. Maybe it is my personality, the desire to always be striving towards something big, that helps me feel better in my own skin. To feel like I am still doing my best, living life to it's fullest, despite other things that seem to be falling apart. But I have realized that I am in a place in my training where, if I want to continue to enjoy a sense of accomplishment in a race, I need to step up training. This means learning to manage my stress and all the nasty things that come with it so I can stick to a training plan. How do I overcome all the anxiety, worry, and depression that so often accompanies a major life change? This is the question I need to answer if I am going to break 5 hours and really grow into the runner I have the potential to become. Is it a good idea to register for next race?

I am glad I didn't register for NWM. I need to register for a race that won't put financial strain on me if I am out of work. Maybe something flat so I can feel confident going in and increase the likelihood that I will get that feeling of accomplishment that, given the current state of the economy and education, I might really need.

This weekend will help me kick start the positive thinking train, help me get back on track and keep my spirits up: Tomorrow the fabulous, gorgeous, and intelligent Maggie will be coming over to cook dinner and elliptical. Friday I get to see a crazy fun old HS/college friend from out of state for a really yummy dinner. And Saturday my absolute favorite, glowing, mama-to-be is coming over for elliptical/breakfast/and hopefully some treats (hopefully baby likes sweetie pies!). The universe has surely aligned quite a posse of ladies to make sure there are no pity parties this weekend.

Good Things: Easter Edition

3 miles on treadmill, 10:00 pace

I will admit, I was a little nervous to get my run on. I was really worried that I might have a lingering injury like after NWM in October, when I erroneously thought I had a stress fracture in my foot. But, 3 miles at 10:00 pace with minimal pain was FANTASTIC! My back gave me some troubles by the end (I've had a huge knot in my lower back since the race) and my knee was a little sassy for the first quarter mile, but running felt amazing and I hope it fuels me to get out more this week. After all, if I am ever going to break 5 hours I need to log more miles!

Good Things:

My awesome mom sent me bunny flowers for Easter since I wouldn't be doing anything celebratory. The wonderful Maggie invited me to church, which I considered but ultimately was too intimated because it was Catholic church. I am glad she did because it has me more serious about finding a congregation of my own. I hope she reads this so she doesn't think I completely blew her off and can see how much I appreciated her gesture even though I am too lame to show her or text her back. These two things pretty much make my Easter. That, and knowing later I will get to talk to all my family peeps on the phone.

This week, I also hope to get back on with the running club and train with real, live people. Thursday will be my first group run. I am nervous about being fast enough but excited because I know running with faster people will ultimately make me faster and get me faster to my sub-5 goal. And a group run next Saturday as well. This is getting serious folks.

My final BTSA document check is Friday, which means that the bulk of the work for the first year of clearing my teaching credential will be behind me. Although I have yet to actually complete all the documents, I have pretty much figured out how all of it is going to go in my head, have all the my documents and materials gathered. One that is done, I can celebrate when a long time friend is in town. We should also be celebrating a job offer for JF, which means this is going to be a very champagne week!

What will you be celebrating this week? Do you attend religious services anywhere? How did you pick your congregation?

Still Learning....and some Good Things

Truths of the morning:

• I am still a rookie making rookie mistakes.
• Icepacks are cold and the burn reminds you to make better decisions
• Fast miles are only fast if they don't injure you for your next run

So, I cut the 6 miles run short after a three quarter mile jog irritated my calf. After I sprinted 1.2 miles at a pace a minute faster than my usual, my right calf started feeling strained. Not tight like usual; this was a completely different feeling. I think the sacrifice of 1.5 miles towards my weekly training goal will be worth the RICE that will get me back out for 14 miles Sunday.

So enough of my stupid runner habits. Time for some Good Things!

Perhaps the best thing of 2011 is that today I present my research and hopefully get the thumbs up for my Masters Degree. WooHoo! FedexOffice processed my poster wrong, and mistakenly gave me the deluxe package, so my research poster looks AMAZING! It seriously look professional, which gives me a huge confidence boost. I feel really good about today, and so happy I am almost finished!

Second good thing is that we will have our first guests for the new apartment tomorrow night. An old college roommate will be in town for dinner and drinks so I will get to wine and dine. I LOVE entertaining and can't wait to see her!

Lastly, I am going to do a little shopping this afternoon to help ease my anxiety before my presentation. Nothing like a little retail therapy. I wish I could tell you what I am looking for, but I don't want to spoil any surprises. I have been wanting to buy presents so bad recently, so this is going to be fun!

On a side note, I am trying to find someone to help me make a financial plan for myself and figure out how to manage upcoming student loans, set up retirement, and begin saving for a home. I want to focus more on paying off debt and saving for big ticket items. Any advice on finding a financial planner who can help me reach these goals?

7 weeks until Boston

12.75 miles of training this week; 30 minutes of cross-training
12 mile long run @ 2:13:29 (weak, I know)

Week 2 of training and the reality of meshing training and the rest of my life has reared it's ugly head. Had to skip speed training this week because of my little blood donation incident and didn't quite make my full 3 miles on Tuesday morning's early am run. The good news is that I didn't let it keep me from doing 12 miles today. Not my best 12, but 12 none the less.

Today was a little slower than usual, and I had to take breaks to stretch and let my body catch up with me. The nurse said that the shock of my blood donation fiasco would make running difficult (less oxygen delivered in my blood=less efficiency), so I am not surprised today was such a crappy run. But I did it, I feel good, had a great stretching session when I got home (man, will I be sore tomorrow, I can already feel it!), and I am going into the third of training with a positive, can do, gonna kick some butt attitude.

I was pretty nervous about passing out/getting ill because I had been pretty light headed and easily sick since the donation, so I chose to do a short route along the river near my house and just do laps (5 to be exact). Kinda boring, but safe because I was never more than 1.2 miles from the house. It was a good choice because there were lots of people around, just in case.

Good news, no tightness in the right hip today. Still having the left foot go numb in the first 8 miles (part of the reason I had to stop a lot), and my left knee and hip got a little irritated after mile 10. I am going to take pain as progress, because I had no troubles until I passed the distance I had covered in a previous long run. I think this is a message that it is going to be super important to get at least 20 miles before the marathon so my knee can get comfortable with the distance and not give me troubles on heartbreak hill.

This week's schedule:
Tuesday: Easy Run 3 miles
Thursday or Friday: Speed work 6 miles
Sunday: Long Run 14 miles

We are going to hopefully make up the speed work this week. I present for my MA Friday, so I think the speed work in the AM will be a good way to ease the nerves, build up my confidence, and make me feel good before I go before the panel. I am curious to see how I do tacking another 2 miles onto my long run, and excited to pass the half-marathon point in training. Maybe I will be ready for Boston after all!

And a final thought, thanks for all the kind wishes and support. Life seems crazy (almost too crazy right now), and the fact that people I have never met in my life care enough to say something to help me feel good about my training, well, it means so much. I am so thankful that the blogging community can bring you together with people you otherwise would have never had the pleasure of having in your life. Someday I want to meet you all!

8 Weeks Until Boston

19 miles of training this week
10 miles long run @ 1:47:22

Not too bad for week 1 of training, especially considering I am less than two weeks from presenting my work for my Master's degree, progress report grades were due, and wicked migraines kept trying to keep me down. Very proud of how I am making it happen and super excited to see all this hard work pay off! In the next 8 weeks I will have a Masters of Arts in Education and a Boston finishers medal.

Oak Knoll District: I'm down with OKD (ya you know me)

Today's run was great. I usually weave through the Oak Knoll District of Napa Valley on cute country back roads. I couldn't feel my hands until mile 2 because it was a little chilly this morning, but it was incredibly beautiful outside. I love running the morning after a long rain, everything is so fresh. I saw horses and sheep, lots of walkers and cyclist, and even a hot air balloon landing outside of a winery (super cool).  Everything was sparkling with dew and the asphalt was steaming from the warm sun. It was surreal.

What wasn't surreal was the tightness in my knee and the tightness in my right hip. While stretching before my run, I put a lot of time into stretching out my calves (since they have been giving me the most trouble lately) and forgot to do the hip flexors. Ooops. Maybe I need to make a pre-run stretching checklist.

This weeks schedule:

Tuesday: 3 miles easy
Thursday or Friday: 6 mile speed work
Sunday: 12 mile long run

I am VERY much looking forward to speed work this week. I am also going to start some strength and core training 2 days a week. The focus is to build up stamina so my body doesn't decide to quit on me when the miles pile up. Miles 18-24 were the hardest in San Francisco, and they are also the hardest in Boston (Heartbreak Hill anyone?).

After all, I have some awesome people coming out to see me. Within hours of my Boston announcement, they sent messages of support, telling me they were going to take the day off work to cheer me on. I feel so loved!

Cravings

Workouts: Cross-training hike: 8 miles/1000 ft elevation gain. 3:11 with breaks. Lots of trail runners out there, bless them!

Today I am craving this:

and this:

Probably because they both remind me of our recent DC trip when I ate oysters and drank Irish coffees, and had the most amazing time with JF. Having neither at home, I decided on a hot chocolate with Baileys to go with my chocolate fro-yo dinner. Yes, I plan of logging 6 miles tomorrow if my legs don't hurt in the AM from the hike. Hopefully the Bailey's will help me loosen up from stretching.

Is there any advice out there about stretching under the influence? Do you stretch better after a drink or two? Or is it a recipe for disaster. All you MD's who follow my blog can weigh in any time ;)

I'll leave you with this image, brought to you because the lovely Maggie brought it to me for our post hike feast of tuna melts, grapes, and the finest cheese in northern California, and maybe the world. Humboldt Fog, my absolute favorite and a must buy if you are a lover of cheese:

What are you craving?

O-M-G!!!!!!!

The past few days have been good progress getting back into the swing of things. I still need to get gel inserts, but since mileage is low still I don't feel any rush to visit Dr. Schols.  2 miles on the dreadmill Thursday, 30 minutes on the elliptical Friday and today, and hopefully 3 miles tonight once I get done with this post. I can't wait for it to stop raining so I can start building miles again...I just can't do more than 30 minutes on the dreadmill... it is sooooo boring! Maybe my next post will devoted to researching the top 10 things to make the dreadmill less boring, lol.

So, guess who wasn't going to run tonight because she is cold, it is raining, and the dreadmill sucks? Me. But then I got a Blogger Award from Jes at Self Motivation , so I have to go back into the cold so I can keep up my good progress ;) Thanks Jes for kicking my butt and helping me keep my eyes on the prize!

Now, there is little about me that is stylish. I wear jeans, t-shirts, and Chuck Taylors. My boyfriend's furniture matches better than mine. To give myself some credit, I am getting my hair done tomorrow, which makes me look more stylish than I really am for a couple weeks. I am just style challenged. But I admire people with style, so that must count towards something as well.

I have been told I do write with style. In fact, I have been told my writing is identical to the way I talk. And sometimes I do have a way with words. So when my blog is whiny, can you imagine how whiny I must be in real life. Be thankful you don't live with me. But enough of me justifying an award I have already won. The deets of the award:

The Award’s Rules:

Thank the person who gave you the award.

Tell 7 facts about yourself.

Give the award to 7 bloggers you just love.

Leave the 7 bloggers a comment telling them they won.

So, it is kinda like a blog version of a chain letter. Except it doesn't make you mad because it is an award and it doesn't threaten to ruin your life if you don't pass it on. I am not sure if 7 people even allow me to stalk  follow their blogs, so hopefully my first child won't be cursed if I can only pass it on to 6.

7 Things About Me:

I have really weird and awkward anxieties. Like, I hate to say positive things about myself without following them up with something negative. How annoying is that! I think they call it low self-esteem....I call it breaking yourself down so people feel too awkward to say mean things to you. Lol.

I love to read. Nothing is more relaxing than a good book. My love overflows into book hoarding. I feel like if I get rid of a book I am also getting rid of the story. Physical possession of the book means I still have the knowledge. Not sure where I picked up this delusion. No one else in my family does this. Or reads as much I do. Maybe one day i'll have to bee one of those tragic ladies on TLC where they have to save her from here own self-destructive book hoarding behavior.

I sincerely believe that there is nothing I can't learn or do, besides learning a foreign language. I have a cocky confidence that I could learn any job and probably do it better than anyone else. I think that is how I ended up being a high school Math teacher, even though I studied to be an elementary school teacher and have a Religious Studies degree. That's also how I ended up a runner... someone once told me I would probably never be able to run a marathon because I was not an athlete. WHO IS THE REAL ATHLETE NOW MY FRIEND?!?!?!?!?!  BOOYAH!!!!!! As for the foreign language thing, I think I lost that part of my brain when I got that concussion in college. Just slammed it right out of the ol' noggin.

I've always been fascinated by religion but in the last 10 years have really struggled to find a faith/faith community that speaks to me. Our spare bedroom is full of books on nearly every religion. I love bits and pieces of them all. Recently I have been feeling the tug to re-explore spirituality but have been too stressed to deal with it. I think it is important to raise children with some religious guidance. Faith communities can do a lot to help families raise morally sound children, and I really want to provide the sanctuary and structure of religion to my family. Not that I am in the family way, married, or even engaged...

I love to cook and I love to eat. Someday I want to sell my ice cream and food at a farmer's market or something just for fun. Not to make money, but just to see people enjoy the food I can make. I love watching people eat what I have made. Nothing is more satisfying that preparing an excellent meal for people that you love. Favorite recipes: Crab Rangoon and Lemon Sorbet (not together, of course). I can send them to you if you want em!

I have crazy vivid dreams. They can ruin my day if I wake up and I have trouble separating dream from reality. They often make me mad, sad, or make me scared, and sometimes I get really upset with people for things they do in my dreams, even though they didn't really happen. I dream often and usually multiple times a night. I typically can remember them in a ridiculous amount of detail and remember them for many years after they happen.

I hate to be alone, yet I am not a very social person. I was so bored today on my first day of winter vacation because I didn't have anyone to talk with until JF came home from work. Really hard coming down from seeing some of my favorite people thins weekend an being super social. It will help to be home and be around family. I am already making a list of things to talk about with my new hairdresser tomorrow so I can fulfill my social cravings. And, JF is taking me to Mustards tomorrow, which is supposed to be way yummy, so I have that to look forward to as well. I think teaching is good for me because I get to interact with so many different people through the course of the day while regulating how social I want to be.

So, enough about me. Time to pass this sweet award on to some deserving bloggers. Here are some ladies who's writing style and sense of humor I just adore. I highly recommend you check them out!

Beth at Shut Up And Run: She has like a million of these things, so this is probably just another drop in her bucket of awesomeness. She is inspiring as an athlete, offensive in the funniest of ways, and just a good hearted person. Her blog always raises my spirits (but sometimes turns my stomach) and has inspired the shirts for a friend's Bachelorette Party in Vegas this year (Pussy Posse 2011). Yay Beth!

Devon at Love Notes: Devon just started blogging (maybe this week?) but I know her blog is going to be fabulous. She has a beautiful family, a great sense of humor, and tells it like it is. She might just be the cutest military mom you'll ever read. I hope this encourages her to keep blogging!

Skinny Runner: This is, by definition, what a stylish running blog is. I pretty much want to be her and plan on race stalking her if I ever move back to Southern California. I am pretty sure she has a ton of blogging awards as well because she is fabulous.

Raquel at Nelepovitz Family: Raquel (aka bestie) is the most stylish person I know, and she can do it on a dime. I can't wait till that little bun pops out of the oven because she is going to post some awesome DIY baby stuff. And, she pretty much is the one that got me into blogging.

Joanna at Joanna Runs: Another one of the people who found me randomly and still follows my blog, even through the darkest times. She is funny. I am not. She is such a great follower because she leaves the best messages and is so encouraging. I stole the term "dreadmill" from her, which I plan to overuse as much as possible until spring.

Jamie at Daydream Believer: I love her new(ish) custom blog and think she is at her best when doing the weekly review of The Bachelorette, which is my guilty pleasure and why I started following her in the first place. Super cute, super funny.

Good Things...

This Friday blog is so easy when things are fast, fun, and exciting. But when things are fast and frightening, these Friday blogs become that bag of saline hooked into your arm when you are in the ER. Or a road map when you are lost. I'll let you pick how dramatic you want to be today :)

Good things are that my classroom is pretty much good to go for the first day of school and all my policies, procedures, syllabi and nearing completion. By the end of the weekend the second week of school will be planned, and I should have a website up and going. If you are not a teacher, you have no idea what a seriously good thing is when you are a neophyte like me.

The good thing that will carry me through today is waking up to Bob Marley singing to ME "Don't worry about a thing every little things gonna be alright". Ok, not in person, in my head, but someone sent three little birds to my mind's doorstep telling me the chill out. Much appreciated Bob, much appreciated.

Lastly, having good friends who will help me talk stuff through without judging me too harshly is what is going to make it beyond the next week. There are so many path right now, and silly me, I have chosen the hardest one with IEDs and snipers all along the way. But if I can properly navigate things, everything might just turn out happily every after.

Happy Friday everyone! I'm off to find my belly laugh for the day so I don't turn into psycho first year teacher. Big run this weekend, with a new hill (or dare I say MOUNTAIN!) so there should be much to complain share with you soon!

Hot Bliggity Blog!

So, time to refresh the blog with a new background. Whaddya think? I am looking for something that is fresh but not too feminine, clean looking so people won't know how amateur I am, and free. I am kinda feeling the new look but wanna know how everyone else feels about it as well. Yes, I value your opinion. Isn't that touching? :)

I have been really chewing over this idea of "blasting" my blog on Facebook to let people know I have a blog. Actually, I have been thinking more about why the thought of having friends/family/frienemies reading my blog regularly seriously freaks me out and how that might change how I write and what I write. There is a lot of safety in anonymity. Am I just over thinking this? Is it bad that I don't want my mom to know I have a blog? (I am pretty sure she would freak out).

As I try to shape my blog and decide what personality I want it to take, I really have to evaluate why I started it, as well as what I want it to be become. Is this my personal training log for marathoning, where people can cheer me on and keep me accountable? Is this a place for random thoughts/ramblings and celebrating the good things in life? Can it be both? I follow some pretty funny blogs, and I love what they offer readers and their writers. Could I ever be one of those?

I need to kick my butt into gear and get back into training mode. No one wants to read a running blog written by someone who doesn't run. I especially don't want to write a blog where I am constantly making excuses about what I am NOT doing. But I feel even a stronger need to create a vision for my blogging. A big drive to blog was to become a better writer. I feel that creating some structure might help.

Any thoughts?

Love, Love, Love

As I made the epic drive from Northern California to Southern California yet again, I couldn't help but think about how lucky I am. Lucky to have friends that I love so much, I feel like they are family. That alone makes life rich.

Even if I die a single cat lady (which I WONT), I will have had a great life because of the wonderful people I consider my family.

Love Love Love :)

More Good Things :)

This week has been great now that I have started on my new training schedule and my ITB troubles seemed to have faded away . It is really going to improve my running; today I did my first tempo run and it really pushed me to push myself to run at my best, and I did! Today I ran a new personal best for the mile (8:24.4) and ran my usual 5 mile loop in under 50 minutes, averaging 9:57 per mile. Tempo runs are not easy for me, I have trouble regulating my speed when I am paying attention to it. My first mile, I completely missed my target time by nearly a minute. So as I pushed myself, I ended us cutting nearly 3 minutes off my time (surprise!  A new personal best!) and then finally I was able to drop down and run my last 3 miles at a steady pace of 9:24. I was huffing and puffing like a crazy person out there, especially when I had to run down a narrow path past probation workers doing landscaping stuff (scary!). One just kept doing his thing as I ran past, launching little pebble missiles at my legs with his lawnmower on the gravel path. I felt like I was being shot by a bb gun! Maybe his probation has to do with a domestic violence charge...

More good things: two intermediate jobs were posted in Davis today, and my master teacher tells me he is going to put a good word in for me. So far they are both 4th grade, which would be so much fun! I am also hopeful that a 5th grade job in the district will open up. I would love to be able to stay in Davis for a while, It is such a safe place to run. And next week I have interview #2 in Loomis for a dream job combining upper elementary and math, my two favorite things. I am pumped!

I am also very thankful to have been able to take some great hikes with some of my favorite teacher friends.  This week we hiked at Stebbins Cold Canyon Reserve at Lake Berryessa, so beautiful, but definitely tough! This whole week has been full of fun and good times. I am excited to go home and see my family, but I will most certainly be looking forward to seeing all my good people again in August.

{So thanks for sticking with me on my blogging journey. Now I am reading more blogs (read: too much time on my hands), I am starting to play with mine a little more. Is the large text annoying? I am trying to highlight significant or humorous parts. Give me your feedback!}

Life is full of surprises

Never underestimate people. They will ALWAYS surprise you.

( I am lucky to have good people in my life)

Back to Basics

Some people believe in fate and destiny, others believe life has no true patterns, only the connections you choose to see. I am going to make a pattern out of coincidence? Perhaps, but maybe this weekend was meant to be.

Sometimes in life people will make you doubt the decisions of your past. You simply can't let them do this. The past is behind you, and that is where it needs to stay. So much in life is knowing the people who propel you forward and the type of people who hold you back. This distinction is not easily made, and you might spend your whole life learning to tell the difference between the two. When you do something you know is right, and other people try to make you second guess, watch for the person who can see the truth as you see it and help you stay true to your path. You must be your biggest advocate. If you don't advocate for yourself, then who will?

This doesn't mean be narrow-minded, seeking out only people who agree with you. It means be a truth seeker, and surround yourself with good honest people who can help you see what is best for yourself. To do this, you first must know yourself.

Last night I got some needed closure. It wasn't the little thing I thought it would be; I feel lighter and better balanced today than I have felt in a long time. Realizing how off-center I have allowed myself to become, I feel a renewed commitment to getting down to the core of me. Who is Stephanie? What does she stand for? I am NOT the anxious, socially withdrawn person I have allowed myself to be last handful of months.

I AM STRONG

I AM INDEPENDENT

I AM IN CONTROL

This summer, I am going to re-center and get back to who I have always been. There is no reason to let anyone or anything keep me down.

Good Things: Early Edition

Since it is almost Friday, and since Friday will probably pass me by in whirlwind, I think it is best to throw out some good things I have got going for me. Today is one of those day where I really need to list good things to keep me on track.

It is such a good thing to have good friends. Especially friends that help you get back into training. It was so good today to have the Bestie tell me I needed to get out and run instead of have a meltdown. She is so wise. She is such a good motivator, she should be trainer. Seriously. She has a magic connection. I wish she was running the marathon with me.

It is also good to have friends who don't mind meltdowns, check in on you after you have had one, talk you through one, and try to get you to realize that you are not the only one having them. Without some of the ladies in my cohort, I would be an utter mess. I am so glad one of them will be there with me when we both complete our first marathon. Friends are fabulous.

The final good thing is that I passed my PACT with remarkable scores. I am so proud of the work I did and it feels so good to be recognized with high marks. That, my long walk through downtown, and carbfest at the hot foods bar at the coop got me through the afternoon (the mac and cheese is heavenly).

Now to celebrate the good things other people have going for them: Master's degree graduation!