Twitter makes me feel like a celebrity

Today kicks off the 100 days of summer challenge, which I am optimistically embarking on. I am challenging myself to 30 minutes of purposeful activity a day for the next 100 days. 20 laps in the pool, breast and freestyle taught me two things: first, my form is terrible and my college swim instructor would be terribly upset if she was watching, and second, salt water pools rock. How did I not know that the pool at my apartment was salt water? And heated? If only it was olympic sized, it would be HEAVEN.

This all started last night. I had a dream about swimming laps in a pool, which I haven't done regularly for 2 years (almost to the day). I had a few outings last year, but my aquatic fitness has really gone by the wayside. I love to swim but have never considered myself a swimmer. Someday I would like to change that, just like how I changed the whole "runner" thing. In my dream, it was perfect, gliding through the water for thousands of yards. Every part of me felt good. I knew I had to get in a pool today, and I am glad I did. I hope I can find time to do it more.

I confess, I haven't been exercising at all for the past 3 weeks (I am shamed, hence the lack of blogging). I have been using every ounce of energy just to get through my daily routine. I have worried that I will never run again (not likely) and be stuck in this funk forever. My batteries have needed a major recharge. Big changes are coming my way: I will be moving back to Southern California soon to look for work. The district has laid off so many teachers I have given up hope of being reinstated. The private school was a dream job, except the salary was not high enough for me to pay off my student loans and afford to buy my weekly ramen allotment. I am taking this as an opportunity to return to my roots and have a fresh start. I have been deeply homesick and I am very excited to be able to see my family again on a regular basis instead of just on the major holidays. I had a great training routine last summer, doing speed work on the middle school track and long runs with killer hills. Most of all, my family is looking forward to having me as their personal chef, which makes me feel incredibly special and excited to try out some new ideas on them, including another round of sorbets and ice creams. Everybody needs something that makes them feel incredibly special!

Which brings us back around to the title of this post. I consider myself a mediocre runner who runs slow miles and has yet to finish a marathon without having to take walk breaks in the last 8 miles. Despite the fact I know that there are so many better runners out there, running still makes me feel special. Being a runner attracted my first celebrity follower on Twitter (Bart Yasso), which was the highlight of my month. Running coaches re-tweeting and responding to my tweets makes me feel like a million bucks. Making friends at races and feeling like their insider follower on twitter makes running relationships magical. But what makes me feel the most special, the most important, is friends and family who have experienced my tortoise-like approach while waiting hours at the finish that make me feel special by bragging about accomplishments for me and always cheering me on like I am Kara Goucher or something.

I'll close with a senior quote from a student in the dance department, which I think really hits on why life is bringing me back home:

"We're not here to impress those who judge us, we're here to make those who will never judge us proud"

NWM 2011 Group?

No miles this week. I totally suck.

Why? I am having a really hard time coping with work and life stress. I thought that once my Master's work passed committee, I would be free and happy, but the vacuum was immediately filled with other challenges. So is life.

Last year I had to prepare for not having a job in the fall. Part of being a teacher. Well, I find myself potentially in the same position again, and I am not dealing with it with as much grace as I did in the past. Nothing is more frightening than failure. And it seems at the moment failure is confronting me from MANY different angles.

To help myself cope and give myself a distraction, I registered for my first marathon. Training for the Nike Women's Marathon gave me something to focus on when the going got tough and a goal to work towards if I found myself unemployed. Seeing myself in a similar place as last March, it makes sense to register for the race again and hope it helps carry me through a potentially anxious summer. Maybe it will be the good luck charm that helps me keep my job for another year.

So, I am going to make a group for the NWM 2011 and get a group of people together to run the race. I have a guaranteed entry, and I hope that if I use a group ID it will mean my group will have an entry as well. No matter where you are or if we have met before, if you follow my blog I would LOVE it if you would consider getting together to run this race! If this sounds good, leave a comment and we can figure out how to make this happen. I plan on getting the group ID in the next few weeks and I will post more about it when I get it.

This race was a ton of fun. The course was challenging, and I liked that there is a half marathon option than that your team can be a mix of half and full runners. Even in the rain, I had a great time. My goal this year is to not hit the wall and limp around the lake miles 18-22, as well as set a new course record, hopefully sub 5 hours. I am slow, I know.

On a final note, I was reading the McRunner's blog (the guy who ran the LA Marathon after eating a diet of McDonalds for 30 days), and a quote really stuck out to me:

"At 4:16 I ran 3-4 days per week, for a peak of about 35 miles. To run 2:36:54 last year, I put in 10-13 runs per week (ran 7 days per week) and hit 105 miles. While the numbers are just for reference, I have seen everyone around me improve with additional mileage. Arthur Lydiard hit on something when he said, 'Miles make champions.' "

I am a slow runner. But I am a new runner. I have no formal training. Everything I know about running is from reading 2 books, my subscriptions to Runner's World, Google, and the blogs I follow. I am running 2-3 days a week and will peak below 30 miles. I never played sports. I hardly worked out before I started running 2 years ago. He is well on his was to cutting is time in half. If I cut my time in half, I could EARN a BQ. My new Mantra is "Miles Make Champions". It make take me a while to put the words into action (I need to learn some stress management first), but I am determined to make it happen. 

Not only will I break 5 hours for a marathon, but I will someday break 3:30. And I am going to do it one  mile at a time.

Welcome to my big, fat pity party

5 weeks until Boston

14 miles of training this week

3 easy runs, rest week

This has been a bummer week and I have let it get the best of me. I am in a TERRIBLE funk. Luckily all my favorite blogs posted great weeks, and this is helping me put things into perspective. I am not there yet, but I am starting to turn this frown upside down. 

Because I am in a funk, I haven't felt like blogging or running. Thankfully I did more running than blogging, but fell short of my mileage goals. My mind is just not in the right place to marathon train. I need to change this fast. So I am going to try to take this advice, posted by one of my favorite bloggers (the blogger I won my Boston entry through). Man, does she come through when I need it the most. Straight from SUAR's blog:

"Whatever you are battling, patience is your friend. When we’re in the thick of hard times (and I’m not just talking about running) we think it will always be this way. It won’t."

Right now I am feeling like I can't get a break, but that is just my pity party talking. I did get a break: I got an entry to Boston, I have the means to get myself there and the physical ability to get myself over the finish line. That's big. I also just finished my Master's Degree. That is huge. I am the first person in my family to obtain a Master's Degree, and that is an accomplishment for all of us. I have to remind myself of this every day.

"The wonder of life is that there is ebb and flow. Highs and lows. Just as much as you can count on the low points, you can count on things turning around and heading up. Your “normal” might be different, but so be it. The only true thing we can count on in this life is that there will be change."

Whenever things get tough, I always cry and complain that I just want things to be normal and constant. I am not sure when I am going to realize that this is just not reality, but I need to get a better grip on that. Without the lows, we would never appreciate the highs. Instead of bumming, I need to embrace them to make myself stronger. That is the person I want to be. So I need to just suck it up and do it!

"Don’t waste energy comparing yourself to the next guy/gal/transvestite. Use all of your energy to keep moving forward with your goals. It’s overstated, but true: there will always be someone faster, stronger, thinner, richer, fitter, less constipated whatever. There will also always be someone slower, weaker, fatter, poorer, more out of shape, more constipated. The only way you can truly win is when you exceed your expectations for yourself. However that looks."

This week's training schedule:

3 miles Easy

6 miles Tempo

16 miles Long Run

My new diet plan requires that I exercise at least 30 minutes a day. This being a crazy week where I have to work late, I am not sure that is going to happen, but when I can do it, it is going to be great for cross training. Hopefully I can slim down and drop a few to make Boston easier.

4 Stages of a Run

Stage 1: Excitement. I lay in bed and think about how much I love running and how I want to run forever. I have to give myself a pep talk to not go too far too fast so I don't get injured like last year. I envision myself running an ultra-marathon on a whim. I feel that delusional good. This stage continues as I put on my favorite running capris (don't I look cute!) and get everything lined up: ipod, gels, water bottle (too cute today for a dorky hydration belt), house key. Even as I stretch, I am already congratulating myself on a run well done. And I haven't even set foot out the door yet.

Stage 2: Reality. About half a mile in my body overpowers all those silly little thoughts I had before I walked out the door. Usually my calves talk first, and then the feet and back chime in. Today the stomach even had something to say.

Calves: Whoa Whoa Whoa. What happened to Sunday Funday? I'm not trying to be all uptight, but this is not what I signed up for on the weekends.
Back: Yeah, I was much happier in bed. All this pavement pounding is making me irritable. Knot what I want on my day off.
Calves: Why does she always do this?
Back: I hate her.
Calves: I hate her too.
Stomach: She makes me sick. So selfish. Where are my bacon and hash browns? I am about to throw this toast right back at her and send her back home.

As they go on like this, I am trying to turn the iPod up to drown out/motivate myself to just stick through it. But they just won't shut up. This is where I get the usually reminder: RUNNING IS HARD.

Stage 3: Battle. The mind is sick of the body whining and complaining. I mean, we just ran a marathon in October for heaven's sake, just suck it up and do the 7 miles! You did 9 last weekend, what's the big deal? This is where we pull out the big guns: mental images of my head of the body of a kenyan running really really fast, the Kool-Aid man bursting through the wall shouting "Oh Yeah", qualifying for the Boston Marathon, running the Boston Marathon, me at my physical worst, me at my physical best last August, the girls with tight abs in Runner's World magazine, my head on Heidi Klum's body as I relax on the beach in Tahiti. This is some powerful stuff. One more block... one more step... don't be a quitter... you can't go to Boston/wear a bikini unless you put the sweat equity in now.
Every time I run, I fight this battle between miles .5 and 2.99. I takes me 3 miles to convince my body that it is a runner's body now and there is no going back. I have been running since 2007. I am a marathon finisher. Why do I still have to convince my body it is a runner's body every time I run?

Stage 4: Victory. Somewhere shortly after mile 3, my body usually gives in. My pace picks up, there's more bounce in my step. When I look at my shadow on the road a see a lean runner, not an awkward chubby girl with too much gear on. Now we have the endorphins, I can convince myself to do one more mile instead of one more block. This is what I run for. The feeling that I am unstoppable. That I won't have to put my face on a Kenyan or Heidi Klum. I am going to have great splits and a rockin bikini body. I can do it. Oddly enough, an inspirational song will usually come on my iPod right when I need it so my mind gets the upper-hand and wins the battle. Today's song was "How you ever gonna know" by Garth Brooks. This is what stoked the coals this morning:

Anything in life worth havin' 

Lord, it has its sacrifice 

But the gift that you're receiving 
Is worth more than a price

Someone I know quotes someone who is probably famous in saying "nothing in life worth doing is easy". Aristotle said, " Excellence is not an act, it is a habit" and the list can go on. You have to fill you mind with this stuff so you have a fully loaded arsenal against those lazy calves, back and stomach. If they keep acting up, I might just punish then with some core training. I bet that will shut them up ;)

I am no longer a beginner runner. I am so far from being elite or even a good runner. I just run. At times, not very well. I have big dreams. I want to be fast. I want to run far. Some days I am not sure how to get there. but then I remember how crazy it is that I was able to get myself this far. For all those bloggers out there who just run, thanks for inspiring me to stay in the game. 2011 is going to be a great year for running!

Monumental Turning Points

When you build a fortress to protect yourself from the heartache others have caused you, you tend to block EVERYBODY out. Once again Mom, you were right. I thought I was being independent, doing right by myself in efforts to make sure I would never have to depend on a man for anything. Men can't be depended on anyway, right? I couldn't see that I was setting up my life to have to do things alone.

Historically, I have never been one for teamwork. I hold true to the mantra "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." So if I really want to transition into the next phase of life, to find someone to spend the rest of my days with and start a family with, I suppose today is the day I am going to have to learn to be a team player. Folks, this is not going to be easy.

Aren't relationships about sharing and doing this as partners, together? Not just watching someone achieve their dreams and hoping that they mesh well with your own achievements? I am quite positive there is no good man who wants to sit back and watch as I buy my own house and plan my own trips while he just tags along. A good man will want to buy a house with me, plan trips with me. My problem? I haven't been properly schooled in what a man who is good for me looks like.

Running bits of Wisdom

I recently subscribed to Runner's World quote of the day email service so I could have a daily kick in the butt to get my feet pounding the pavement. While I haven't been running as much I should be, some real gems have shown up in my email. Thought I would share today's quote with you:

It's not like somebody else can run a marathon for you. It's all you out there. Finishing means you can say, "There's not a lot I can't do." 

It really captured why I set out for a Marathon. When I volunteered to work the Boston Marathon, I did it for the sweet free jacket and to experience a slice of local culture. I walked away knowing I would some day run a marathon. I never knew it would be so soon! I chose to run after this goal because I wanted to have an accomplishment that was personal, that was all me. I wanted to prove to myself how capable I am. I have been letting myself down in training, but it isn't too late to step back up to the plate and give it my best so I can claim 26.2 in October. For those of you who struggle to understand why people run such great lengths, this quote captures it all.


Another blogger left me a message saying, "I think runners tend to be over-achievers in general. " She is SO RIGHT!

Here are some highlights from the winery, for your amusement. More running updates later this week as I get back on the bandwagon :) 

Older lady comes in to buy a glass of wine on live music night. Asks for the cheapest glass, I list the bottom 3. She goes for the pinot. Keep in mind she has a wine list with tasting notes in front of her. I pour the glass of Pinot Grigio (the only pinot we serve), slide it across the bar. She slides it back, and with 100% attitude, says "Sweetheart. Pinot is a red wine". She also thought the music was too loud.

Guys at bar: Come to Vegas with us. We'll comp everything: room, drinks, shows.

Me: Vegas huh? I've always wanted to go. My bestie goes all the time.

Guys at bar: Then come. We are going to invite 10 of our guy friends. It is going to be great.

Me: Am I going to have a sign a video release for this? I'm not sure I am that kinda girl.

Old man at table: Your shirt is sparkly. Reminds me of a go go dancer I picked up off the side of the road in the 60's. I think you are doing a little better than she was. You are working inside, after all.

Me: (Laughing nervously) Oh, I had a feeling you were going to say something like that.

Old Man: I'm 74. Stop bending over, my wife is here and I can't handle the excitement. 

This will be my last week behind the bar before I pack up and move out. Hopefully my students will give me clever but less sexual things to post in my blog. I am sure this week there will be more love from the patrons to share here.

Burning Out!

"Hello, my name is Stephanie. Here is a some stuff I have put together to prove to you I can be a hard working teacher slave even in the summer months. I eat, sleep, and breathe education. HIRE ME."

Today I spent 12 hours putting together an inter-thematic unit map (ITU), a detailed unit plan for the math unit that integrates into the ITU, and a summary of the lesson plans that would be included in the ITU, resulting in a 8 page document. I hope this is the golden ticket to employment. I haven't work this hard since my content area tasks for my credential performance assessment. If I get the job, do you think I'll get retro pay for this? With the sweltering heat, I feel like I have been trapped in a lesson planning sweatshop today.

Coming up with neat ways to bring different curriculum strands together is very engaging for me. I like doing it, and thats how I know I am going to the right career field. Just not when it is 103 degrees in the apartment, I have a whole other interview to prepare for (HS Math in Napa, YAY!), and an apartment to move out of in less than 48 hours. I feel like a crazy person! I don't know if I would make it through this without teacher friends calling to check in on my sanity and best friends pitching in to help move me and house me through the transition.

Mom's words of wisdom on the situation: When it rains, it pours. I wish it was raining cool refreshing water from the sky along with all the opportunities and obligations that are stacking on top of each other. Let's hope I get the job and can use all this planning next year with my students.

My Mother's Daughter

“People are intimidated by independence. They will find it hard to approach you and hard to relate to you. They will assume you don’t need anyone or anything, but that is not true. It is hard, if not impossible, to find a balance.”

Thanks Mom, this explains so much. We are built from the same mold; I am my mother's daughter.

And thanks to the people in my life who recognize this, and do what they can to help me find the balance.

The thing about writing...

Word on the street is that to be a good writer, one of the things you need to do is write. Often. In my attempts to be a great writer some day, this blog will serve as my dumping ground. A series of really bad first drafts of things that maybe, just maybe, will appear in polished form, bound and published for your reading pleasure for sale on the shelf of Borders or even a cute little independent bookseller. But, probably not, as they will be much too mundane and whiny for America's palate.

Thought of the day:

Some people loose sight of their potential because they are not prepared for failure.

(Yes, I did come up with that on my own!)

I have gained an appreciation for my failures because they have helped bring the big picture into focus. Because my career in higher education did not work out, I discovered my passion for teaching. Why will I be a really good teacher? Because I have taught some really bad lessons. My practice at making mistakes has turned out to be pretty good practice for life. My favorite little saying right now "Luck is the when opportunity meets preparation." Now that I feel prepared, lets hope I am open to opportunity (read: someone please hire me for the next school year!)

As I get older, I notice that I put more value on the opinions of others. I am becoming more aware of what people are really trying to say, behind their correct words. I stop and think about why people are trying to tell me these things, and how I might have it all wrong. When I feel like I have it all figured out, that is when it seems I really don't have it figured out at all. I take a stand, and my mother tells me to calm down and wait it out. What?!? Instead of rebel, I let this marinate. Maybe I am the crazy one after all...

This week my supervisor tells me, for the hundredth time, to take it easy on myself. Don't be such a harsh critic. My master teacher nods and smiles in agreement. He believes that how I dialog with myself will transfer to how I dialog with students. When I hear this, I want to toss it out, because that is just who I am. That is what has made me successful, that is my survival skill. Believe me, I hear it a lot. Yet, I can't toss it out anymore. I am not sure how I can be successful without that critical devil siting on my shoulder whispering in my ear. But for the first time, I feel like maybe they are on to something. I need to be closer to my angel, who always sings words of encouragement. I thought I was making progress here, but it is clear I am backsliding.

Sometimes I feel as if everyone else can see the simple solutions for my life, and I can't even figure out where it is broken. I just know something doesn't feel right. It is if there is this code language that people speak to you, they are trying to help you make good decisions and find happiness. But it takes forever to figure out the code. Why can't everything be more clear? Why can't I decipher the code?

Will it always be this way? Will I ever have it all figured out? Will I ever find satisfaction if I do not? As I try to figure out where life is taking me, I stop and wonder, "who is driving this crazy bus?"