Monumental Turning Points

When you build a fortress to protect yourself from the heartache others have caused you, you tend to block EVERYBODY out. Once again Mom, you were right. I thought I was being independent, doing right by myself in efforts to make sure I would never have to depend on a man for anything. Men can't be depended on anyway, right? I couldn't see that I was setting up my life to have to do things alone.

Historically, I have never been one for teamwork. I hold true to the mantra "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." So if I really want to transition into the next phase of life, to find someone to spend the rest of my days with and start a family with, I suppose today is the day I am going to have to learn to be a team player. Folks, this is not going to be easy.

Aren't relationships about sharing and doing this as partners, together? Not just watching someone achieve their dreams and hoping that they mesh well with your own achievements? I am quite positive there is no good man who wants to sit back and watch as I buy my own house and plan my own trips while he just tags along. A good man will want to buy a house with me, plan trips with me. My problem? I haven't been properly schooled in what a man who is good for me looks like.

Good Things...

This Friday blog is so easy when things are fast, fun, and exciting. But when things are fast and frightening, these Friday blogs become that bag of saline hooked into your arm when you are in the ER. Or a road map when you are lost. I'll let you pick how dramatic you want to be today :)

Good things are that my classroom is pretty much good to go for the first day of school and all my policies, procedures, syllabi and nearing completion. By the end of the weekend the second week of school will be planned, and I should have a website up and going. If you are not a teacher, you have no idea what a seriously good thing is when you are a neophyte like me.

The good thing that will carry me through today is waking up to Bob Marley singing to ME "Don't worry about a thing every little things gonna be alright". Ok, not in person, in my head, but someone sent three little birds to my mind's doorstep telling me the chill out. Much appreciated Bob, much appreciated.

Lastly, having good friends who will help me talk stuff through without judging me too harshly is what is going to make it beyond the next week. There are so many path right now, and silly me, I have chosen the hardest one with IEDs and snipers all along the way. But if I can properly navigate things, everything might just turn out happily every after.

Happy Friday everyone! I'm off to find my belly laugh for the day so I don't turn into psycho first year teacher. Big run this weekend, with a new hill (or dare I say MOUNTAIN!) so there should be much to complain share with you soon!

Sangria and Cupcakes :)

Tonight I made the farewell feast: Seared Ahi, seaweed salad, squid salad, edamame, crab rangoon, Miso soup, and Lemon sorbet. This is the last night I am able to cook before the the great transition. Eating out from here on out (hello unnecessary weight gain!). I had to finish the sangria as well, or it would go down the drain. Who knew sangria paired so well with Ahi? Score!

Two thoughts for today. Had a great run this morning. Took random country roads and stumbled across some ridiculously huge houses. It is so refreshing to mix up the running routes, as well as imagine myself living in these unnecessarily large wine country chateaus. The standards for future relationships might be based on the square footage of the homes I ran by today, just saying. But honestly, the hills, the adventure of not knowing where I was going, the cool overcast morning, it all just came together. I really hope I can keep this up throughout the week so I can back on my training schedule. I was little worried about having enough gusto for the run, since I hadn't had breakfast, so I ate a chocolate cupcake before my run. I don't know if that is good practice, but it sure made for a heck of a run. I freakin' love chocolate cupcakes! They taste so much better than gels, and frosting really helps you go the extra mile!

Second thought: I didn't watch the Bachelorette Guys Tell All episode. Yes, I am totally addicted to the Bachelorette. I completed an application to be on the next bachelor, but never could bring myself to hit the submit button (not sure if I could hoe myself out quite like Ali did). But I didn't want to hear the guys talk trash on each other. Sadly, I watch the show because I have recently become obsessed with this idea of true love and marriage. But I would never last more than an episode on those crazy reality dating shows. Cameras have never been part of my vision on finding love, nor has been getting fresh so mom and grandma can watch on prime time. GROSS!!!!!! Anyways, I doubt I even know what love really is. Even if it slapped me in the face, I probably wouldn't know what hit me.

It all feed into something bigger. Watched Valentines Day the other night and didn't care for it. Even my stepdad (the Marine) said it was alright, but me, I would have rather drank a bottle gin myself and passed out (metaphorically, or course?). Even How I Met Your Mother is getting on my nerves. After the season finally on the Bachelorette (read: obsessive addiction, thanks Melissa), I think I might give up on all things related to love for a while. I just can't take it, it makes me irritable. And ask anyone who knows me, irritable is NOT GOOD. So, next Monday, after I move into my new apartment and don't have cable yet, I'll have to go to the gym for two hours to run on the treadmill so I can watch the Bachelorette season finale. Oh, the lengths I will go for the Bachelorette. It will be my final indulgence in love, but I won't feel guilty because I am going to burn about 1200 calories. Booyah!

Here is a final thought to leave you with. Going to dinner with a boyfriend from the past tomorrow. He picked the place, and it is spot on. Is this a good idea or bad? Hmmm.....

(wonder if he reads this, lol)