Anatomy of an early morning run

I have always considered myself a morning person. Sleeping in typically makes me cranky because I don't get to tear into that To-Do list as much as I would hope to. Today I learned there is a distinction between morning people and early morning people. They are not cut from the same cloth. I think you will figure out which one I am NOT in my breakdown of the early morning run(similar to my breakdown of a long run).

Anatomy of an Early Morning Run:

The Wake-Up

Alarm goes off at 4:45 am. You have to snooze it twice to be able to convince yourself that you have to get up and run if you am going to run (not walk) across the finish line in Boston. Even though you rationalized in my brain what time to set the alarm the night before, you still have this little mental battle at o-dark-thirty. Tonight you have to submit two documents for your Master's and you have seriously procrastinated. You will have to stay after school to tutor the kiddos, as well as make lesson plans and an assessment. You know that if you don't run now, today's run does not happen. Finally, you get out of bed.

The Suit-Up

Of course, you did not have the foresight the night before to situate keys/headphones/water bottle/shoes so you can sneak out of the house without disturbing anyone. Even if you did, you are sure they would get moved around after you went to bed or the cats would haul them off in the night (they like to do that with headphones and then chew through the wires. Little angels). Once you rattle the entire house looking for my keys, you give up on the headphones and settle for lip-reading the morning news. Entertaining when you are trying creatively to make a treadmill session fun in the afternoon. Not so entertaining at 5am when you just don't give a....

Warming-Up

Already it is 5:15 am, and you know you have to be in the shower by 6:00 am if you are going to be ready in time to get to work, make copies, update the whiteboards, blah blah blah. So, warm-ups and stretching are cut short. You know this is probably where the morning workout goes to hell, but you can't get there any faster or wake-up any earlier. You have to make the training schedule!!!!! So you do a little jog without stretching, because, after all, it's only 3 miles, right? No big deal?

The Big Deal

Ok, after a quarter of a mile of jogging, you try to step it up and get your run on. At first it feels absurdly fast, even though you usually start at the same pace when you run in the afternoons. You can kinda feel your feet going off the back of the treadmill, and hustle the pace because you don't want this morning to be the first time you fall off the treadmill. Talk about ruining the rest of your day! 

Then the intestinal system wakes up. You feel sick.  Time to run to the bathroom. Get back on. Run another three quarter miles. Run to the bathroom. Continue in this pattern until it is 10 after 6, you still haven't run your full 3 miles, and know you are going to be late for work. But at least you didn't fall off the treadmill.

The Hangover

Rush through the shower process, throw your hair up wet so you look like a sick gremlin. Manage some make-up, grab a protein shake for breakfast, throw together a lunch so you don't have to eat what the kids eat, and then rush out the door. As you wait for the car to defrost because it is covered in a sheet of ice, puke in the parking lot. You didn't need that protein shake anyways.

The Deal Breaker

In the staff room, copy room, office, people ask if you are feeling OK. Which you don't because your body has found a new way to punish you for punishing it with a 5 am run. You look terrible. You feel terrible. How are you going to manage 160 high school students in remedial math? This is where you throw in the towel, ask for a sub, and take your sick butt home. After laying fetal with a gurgling belly for 3 hours, you finally can emerge for a meager lunch of toast.

Some people can run in the morning. 5 am is exhilarating for them. Me? I need time to wake up. I can run at 7, after getting up at 6:00 am to eat my toast and go through a wake-up routine. But bed to tread at 5 am? Not for me. So today I put the early morning workouts to rest, thankful that I am almost finished with my Master's and know that early morning runs just aren't necessary. I'd rather run at midnight, thank you very much.

Here's a Rodale artilcle I recently read about morning running, and it sheds more light/supports some of my concerns. Are you an early morning runner? How do you do it? Doesn't it screw up your stomach for the rest of the day? And no, I am not pregnant.

Dreadmill, I am taking you down

Time is slipping away in a black hole today, I tell ya. Late night at work so another round on the treadmill that went amazingly well, despite the initial nausea from eating truffles as I walked over to the gym. I decided to do my speed intervals on the treadmill since it was dark outside, and it made the time fly! I did 3 miles and then some upper body weights, and broke the intervals down like so (1 lap=quarter mile):

Lap 1: Walk warm-up

Lap 2: Jog (5 mph)

Lap 3: Faster Jog (6 mph) (Wanting to barf up Truffles)

Lap 4: Jog (5 mph) (Still wanting to up chuck expensive chocolate)

Lap 5: Run (6.5 mph) )Ok...stomache pains are passing)

Lap 6: Jog (5 mph)

Lap 7: Run (6.5 mph) (I was scared of getting tired. What a baby I am)

Lap 8: Jog (5 mph)

Lap 9: Run (7 mph) (Less scared)

Lap 10: Jog (5 mph)

Lap 11: Run (7 mph) (Realized it wasn't scary at all)

Lap 12: Jog (5 mph)

Lap 13: Run (8 mph) (Getting ballsy!)

Lap 14: Jog/Cool Down (exhausted)

Pretty much the best treadmill workout. Ever. Although, I am starting to question the brilliance of eating chocolates on the way to the gym for energy. What is a girl to do when Godiva doesn't make energy bars? Don't say chocolate Clif-shots or other gels. NASTY!!!!!!! It simply isn't the same. Perhaps I have a sugar dependancy? (Godiva, are you reading this? Make me an energy bar! Stop sending my boyfriend crates of chocolates! I can only run so far!)

Have you had any good treadmill workouts? How do you make the great indoors work for you? Have you ever seen a Godiva energy bar?

The power of positive thinking

Today almost ended in me picking up teenagers and through them through the windows. Which would be amazing, because many of them are twice my size. I was at wit's end and seriously considering whether or not I had chosen the right profession. Thank goodness my department chair took me aside and told me my worries over their success (or lack of) are bringing bad energy into the classroom. I thought the world was going to end, that hell had opened up in the center of my classroom and all Satan's demons had come to torture me. That could be why they are so reluctant and combative, because they are sensing their potential failure, and it is scaring them. So for 6th period, my rowdiest little devils, I took every ounce of energy, started with a smile, and didn't let the lack of homework turned in, gross amount of tardies, or blatant electronic violations bother me. Like a miracle, the kids actually suited up and got some work done. Not as much as I would have liked, but way more than my other classes. The biggest difference was me, and that is why it went well.

So, I made a point to log some miles. Since I got home late, I jumped on the treadmill and tried this whole positive thinking thing. I decided that today I was going to run 4 miles on the treadmill (I have never been able to tolerate more than 3). Of course, the TV was broken and I had ipod difficulties, but I made it through. I am still shocked I was able to run indoors for that long without letting my thoughts drive me crazy. I am so proud of myself! I even did some upper body weights to make a point to myself that I am back in the swing of things!!!!! Today could have just been up there as my top 5 crappiest days of teaching, but in the end, I made it an OK day.

I am going to be in marathon shape before the summer is here. Hello Tahiti!

Jello Mousse

I dedicate this post to yummy Jello mousse. While in DC, I saw tons of commercials for these tasty little things, so I promised myself I would pick up a pack to treat myself when I got back to Cali. I love chocolate. I love pudding. And now I love Jello mousse. And, they are only 60 calories, so they are my new after dinner treat to break the candy feast that occurs after dinner every night. Let's just see how well that works, because right now I am about to break into the See's candy I hid in the freezer. What can I say, I am weak. (Jello, send me an endorsement check at any time. A case of chocolate jello will call it even).

Speaking of DC, it really threw a wrench into the training schedule. We walked nearly everywhere, some days covering well over 10 miles. Some days my legs were so sore, I didn't make it up to the little hotel gym that did not have a treadmill. But, they had an elliptical and nice free weights, so one day I took advantage of that. After this trip, I really admire people who make their fitness happen when they are traveling. For me, travel + exercise = epic fail. Poor garmin... gathering dust already.

I have decided to start the week off right with 3 miles on the treadmill (30:00 min), 30 minutes on the elliptical (it told me I "ran" another 3 miles) and upper body weights. I am a baby and will not run outside when it is cold. I HATE being cold. As I pumped away on the elliptical, trying to work off some stress, I wondered what the miles you log on an elliptical are really worth. I always feel like I work harder on the elliptical, even though I log the same time and distance as the treadmill.

Oh, and I saw someone fall off a treadmill for the first time today. Even funnier in real life than it is on TV. (Don't worry, the only thing he hurt was his pride).

Things to look forward to this week: the official end of college football season, a professional development day at work to help me get back into the swing of things, and hopefully logging some modest miles and cross training. I hope to do a recap of the week to be proud of! Now the house is organized and my healthy meals/lunches are packed neatly in the fridge, I have high hopes for being good this week.

Dreadmills

Workout: 5 miles OUTSIDE. UNDER 1 HOUR. WOOT!!!!! Last time I ran this route I decided it was time to go to the doctor because it felt like I had a metatarsal stress fracture. Luckily, I just have jacked up hooves and nothing was broken. Five pain free miles today, I am so stinkin' excited!

Last night I was soooo excited about my blog award I did an extra 20 on the elliptical after my 30 on the dreadmill. Thats minutes, not miles in case you are confused. Forgot my headphones, so I had to make up the dialog for the TV in my head, which actually made the time fly by. And, it led me to start my top 5 ways to make dreadmill less dreadful:

Source (Check Mark Parisi out, he has some funny stuff!)

* Watch TV without the sound on and make up the dialog as you go along. I imagine this works really well if you have a gym buddy and you can roll play. Especially if your gym gets Univision. I am sure the people on the dreadmills around you will not be annoyed or offended by this in any way shape or form.

* Pick a ridiculously hard workout what is broken into intervals. That way, as you are cursing the dreadmill's existence, you know you have only 30 more seconds of 8 mph pace and 7.0 incline. People will be really impressed with your 4 letter vocabulary, as well as with how fast your legs can move on an impossible incline (note: don't try this with wet shoes... you will fall off the dreadmill).

* Run when there are super macho guys on the weight machines right next to the dreadmills. I use the gym at my apartment complex, and it is pretty small, so this is not difficult. The harder you run, the harder they have to grunt and increase their weights/rep so they can keep up with you. If you can get past how gross it is to hear guttural grunting and moaning from someone you don't know, it is extremely entertaining to mess around with these types. There is this guy who every time I increase my pace or incline, he grunts a little louder. It sounds like he is trying to pinch one off. One time there was another woman in the gym with me and we could barely contain out laughter as this was happening.

* Run like you are rocky. And get really into it. Shadow box like you are in the fight of your life. Maybe say the names of co-workers, ex boyfriends, or neighbors who you would love to sock it to them. If you are alone, it will entertain you until your arms get tired. If there are people around, they will be entertained/frighten of you, which is awesome. They will probably wish they were your friend. And, you will be working your upper body and core. Sweet.

* Run when there are other people around. They you can eavesdrop on their conversations. I used to feel bad at first for doing this, but when I realized that most the time these people are gossiping about other people at the gym, I felt entitled to listen. For instance, these neighbors (and older couple) hired a physical trainer to come in and do session in the common gym. Thats cool. But the trainer was super loud and the people were super awkward, it took everything not to stare (and not join in, she had an awesome routine). Once they left, the other two ladies on the dreadmills next to me went off about how annoying it was to have that super perky lady in there. They didn't realize she was the personal trainer, just a super perky red head, so they pretty much came across like idiots. So entertaining.

Ok, I am a shallow, insecure person who gets joy from making others uncomfortable and laughing at the idiocy of those around me. But I assure you, I am not the type to pass gas in an elevator or intentionally trip a stranger for a good laugh. I think people are amusing enough to make me laugh without being provoked. The grunting guy was something I just accidently stumbled upon and has been a gem ever since. And to be honest, I haven't done the rocky in front of people because I am a pansy, but I will do it when I am alone. Tomorrow I am probably just going to work on form on the dreadmill. The way my feet were just flopping around on the pavement this morning was pitiful. I probably looked like Pinnochio.

On a final note, the Bachelor starts January 3rd. So stoked for the new season and the snarky recaps at Daydream Believer. JF said he would watch with me as long as it isn't The Bachelorette. Something about not wanting to watch a bunch of guys go after one girl. If I didn't get to just make fun of the girls on the Bachelor, I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to watch it either. without the humor, that show makes me feel super insecure. Little does JF know, I am pretty much basing our Tahiti trip on the season finale of The Bachelorette (well, he probably knows now because I am pretty sure he reads this). If I don't swim with sting rays, I might throw a huge fit. Maybe I am going to have to school him on the Ali season. Is that on Netflix yet? Is this too much pressure on a guy? Lol. I mean, I missed the season finale because he came over with a bottle wine to hang out, and I couldn't say no. I was going to apply to be on the Bachelor before I got my job in Napa. I totally thought I could be the next Ali. I'm just saying..... Tahiti better be all I am building it up to be. I know, I am totally unreasonable and delusion :)