The job search officially began about a month ago, but now it is officially official now that I have an interview. Nervous because it is uncharted territory: Middle school and some science teaching responsibilities. The idea of working at a private school is exciting; having met some of the parents at this school already, I know that I will not face the same struggles as I have this year working with at-risk population. I also have applications with other schools closer to my family, which I am eagerly awaiting a response. I was never good at this waiting game.
I really underestimated how difficult my first year of teaching would be. Was it because it was my first year teaching high school? That I had never taught single-subject before? That I was the minority in each of my class periods? All of the above? I am ending this school year utterly exhausted from trying to be the best teacher possible for these kids, constantly having to defend my students, my career and my profession, and end back at square one without employment secured for next year. I knew that I would most likely be pink slipped for the first 5 years. I knew it would be long hours making lesson plans and trying to figure out the best practices. I never once doubted if I had it in me to be an amazing teacher (I really believe I was born for this profession). But I would be lying if I didn't think to myself at least once or twice the past few weeks if I had what it takes to get past the next 4 years so I am not a statistic (Most teacher quit within 5 years of entering the profession).
With so many changes and things consuming my mental capacity, I have decided not to keep jumping into races. I am going to avoid setting myself up for failure and/or injury by committing the race without adequate training. Instead, I am working on my mental game. I have been a reading machine, finishing the book The Female Brain by Louanne Brizendine (fantastic read for both men and women) and started Dean Karnazes Ultra Marathon Man. Reading about how other people use running to become better at living is like soul food. I just eat it up.
When you hear about injury set backs in training, you mostly hear about physical injuries. There is overwhelming information about how to prevent and recover from IT band issues, nasty blisters, and muscle strains. But rarely do you read about how to overcome mental injuries. When life hits you like a bus and you just can't get back out to do what you love best. Anything that is of the mind is taboo for discussion in our culture. In a sport so devoted to mental endurance and fitness of the mind, I am surprised there are not as many resources focused on treating injuries of the mind and spirit. If you fracture your hip, you can water run. Stretching, cross training, and rest all help us prevent and treat the physical things keep us from logging our best miles. But when the great motivator in our head breaks down, where do we turn to? How does a runner learn to heal? How do you prevent injuries of the mind/spirit in the first place?
For now I am sticking to small stuff, mostly 30 minute cross training sessions, some treadmill, and a lot of reading and research to get my mental game back. I have lost the mental fortitude I went into my Nike Women's Marathon training with (Boston sucked the runner's life out of me?), and I am desperately seeking it back. Now I am trying to figure how to just shut up about all the bad stuff and get out for a nice, long run.
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Same thing, different year
2.6 miles, 26:00 on treadmill
Supposed to be a much grander run. Apparently a double-double and milkshake for lunch= disaster on the treadmill. That unpleasant gurgle turned into a scream of terror as I ran out of that place. So, mileage cut short.
This time last year, I registered for my first marathon. It was my plan b, just in case I couldn't find a teaching job. I wanted to have something I could work towards, something I could accomplish to feel like I was still moving forward in life. And it worked.
In the past 12 months, I have completed my credential, earned my Master's degree, nearly completed my BTSA, and ran 2 marathons, improving my PR by nearly 20 minutes. I have already completed two of my goals for the new year: set new marathon PR and donate blood. I have had a very accomplished year. The new challenge is not to let my new life complications get in the way of my sense of accomplishment and my ability to see that I am not failing in life. I'm not going to let these grey clouds rain on my parade!
So, I have been thinking to myself tonight, hours after I received my final reduction in force notice (pink slip) if I should register for my 3rd marathon to help get me through the next couple months and give me something to focus on.
There is something about the marathon, a comfort that other races do not hold. Maybe it is my personality, the desire to always be striving towards something big, that helps me feel better in my own skin. To feel like I am still doing my best, living life to it's fullest, despite other things that seem to be falling apart. But I have realized that I am in a place in my training where, if I want to continue to enjoy a sense of accomplishment in a race, I need to step up training. This means learning to manage my stress and all the nasty things that come with it so I can stick to a training plan. How do I overcome all the anxiety, worry, and depression that so often accompanies a major life change? This is the question I need to answer if I am going to break 5 hours and really grow into the runner I have the potential to become. Is it a good idea to register for next race?
I am glad I didn't register for NWM. I need to register for a race that won't put financial strain on me if I am out of work. Maybe something flat so I can feel confident going in and increase the likelihood that I will get that feeling of accomplishment that, given the current state of the economy and education, I might really need.
This weekend will help me kick start the positive thinking train, help me get back on track and keep my spirits up: Tomorrow the fabulous, gorgeous, and intelligent Maggie will be coming over to cook dinner and elliptical. Friday I get to see a crazy fun old HS/college friend from out of state for a really yummy dinner. And Saturday my absolute favorite, glowing, mama-to-be is coming over for elliptical/breakfast/and hopefully some treats (hopefully baby likes sweetie pies!). The universe has surely aligned quite a posse of ladies to make sure there are no pity parties this weekend.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Being on the plane surrounded by other marathoners is already curing the anxiety. That, and all the love and well wishes being sent my way. I am officially transitioned from nervous back to really really excited.
Early this week I resolved to give marathons a break. They are a lot of work both physically and emotionally. But seated amongst finishers jackets and eager racers, the bug is reminding me I probably couldn't stop racing if I tried.
I can't wait to do a race update. Yay for happy race endorphin times!
Early this week I resolved to give marathons a break. They are a lot of work both physically and emotionally. But seated amongst finishers jackets and eager racers, the bug is reminding me I probably couldn't stop racing if I tried.
I can't wait to do a race update. Yay for happy race endorphin times!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Race Weekend
Here's the deal:
Boston anxiety has consumed me. I am freaking out about being alone during the race and in the hotel.
The culprits:
* I feel like I don't deserve to be racing. I feel like a cheater for running without qualifying or raising money for a charity. Because of this, I feel awkward talking about the race and explaining to people that I am not fast. Especially people who ran it in the past and worked really hard to qualify.
* I am super paranoid about injuries. Last marathon I had to walk and hard terrible pain in my knee and hip. My knee has felt weird all week. Probably just my imagination, but it is still freaking me out. I want to run. I know I can have a great PR if I can just run and not walk.
* I am afraid of not finishing and disappointing my Boston peeps, and mom, who really helped fund some of the travel expenses to make this a reality. I know they wouldn't be disappointed, and that the only disappointed person will be myself, but as much as I try to convince myself of the logic, I still am freaking out.
Hence no posts, no mileage updates, and pretty much going dark for the past few weeks. I realize I did the same thing before NWM in October. How do other runners deal with the pre-race jitters with so much grace?
HOWEVER, I promise the next post will be exciting and full of positive news, a hopefully a new marathon PR, perhaps a sub 5 hour finish, and tons of great pictures.
24 hours until I leave for the airport. 72 hours until I am drinking to my victory.
Boston anxiety has consumed me. I am freaking out about being alone during the race and in the hotel.
The culprits:
* I feel like I don't deserve to be racing. I feel like a cheater for running without qualifying or raising money for a charity. Because of this, I feel awkward talking about the race and explaining to people that I am not fast. Especially people who ran it in the past and worked really hard to qualify.
* I am super paranoid about injuries. Last marathon I had to walk and hard terrible pain in my knee and hip. My knee has felt weird all week. Probably just my imagination, but it is still freaking me out. I want to run. I know I can have a great PR if I can just run and not walk.
* I am afraid of not finishing and disappointing my Boston peeps, and mom, who really helped fund some of the travel expenses to make this a reality. I know they wouldn't be disappointed, and that the only disappointed person will be myself, but as much as I try to convince myself of the logic, I still am freaking out.
Hence no posts, no mileage updates, and pretty much going dark for the past few weeks. I realize I did the same thing before NWM in October. How do other runners deal with the pre-race jitters with so much grace?
HOWEVER, I promise the next post will be exciting and full of positive news, a hopefully a new marathon PR, perhaps a sub 5 hour finish, and tons of great pictures.
24 hours until I leave for the airport. 72 hours until I am drinking to my victory.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
NWM 2011 Group?
No miles this week. I totally suck.
Why? I am having a really hard time coping with work and life stress. I thought that once my Master's work passed committee, I would be free and happy, but the vacuum was immediately filled with other challenges. So is life.
Last year I had to prepare for not having a job in the fall. Part of being a teacher. Well, I find myself potentially in the same position again, and I am not dealing with it with as much grace as I did in the past. Nothing is more frightening than failure. And it seems at the moment failure is confronting me from MANY different angles.
To help myself cope and give myself a distraction, I registered for my first marathon. Training for the Nike Women's Marathon gave me something to focus on when the going got tough and a goal to work towards if I found myself unemployed. Seeing myself in a similar place as last March, it makes sense to register for the race again and hope it helps carry me through a potentially anxious summer. Maybe it will be the good luck charm that helps me keep my job for another year.
So, I am going to make a group for the NWM 2011 and get a group of people together to run the race. I have a guaranteed entry, and I hope that if I use a group ID it will mean my group will have an entry as well. No matter where you are or if we have met before, if you follow my blog I would LOVE it if you would consider getting together to run this race! If this sounds good, leave a comment and we can figure out how to make this happen. I plan on getting the group ID in the next few weeks and I will post more about it when I get it.
This race was a ton of fun. The course was challenging, and I liked that there is a half marathon option than that your team can be a mix of half and full runners. Even in the rain, I had a great time. My goal this year is to not hit the wall and limp around the lake miles 18-22, as well as set a new course record, hopefully sub 5 hours. I am slow, I know.
On a final note, I was reading the McRunner's blog (the guy who ran the LA Marathon after eating a diet of McDonalds for 30 days), and a quote really stuck out to me:
"At 4:16 I ran 3-4 days per week, for a peak of about 35 miles. To run 2:36:54 last year, I put in 10-13 runs per week (ran 7 days per week) and hit 105 miles. While the numbers are just for reference, I have seen everyone around me improve with additional mileage. Arthur Lydiard hit on something when he said, 'Miles make champions.' "
Why? I am having a really hard time coping with work and life stress. I thought that once my Master's work passed committee, I would be free and happy, but the vacuum was immediately filled with other challenges. So is life.
Last year I had to prepare for not having a job in the fall. Part of being a teacher. Well, I find myself potentially in the same position again, and I am not dealing with it with as much grace as I did in the past. Nothing is more frightening than failure. And it seems at the moment failure is confronting me from MANY different angles.
To help myself cope and give myself a distraction, I registered for my first marathon. Training for the Nike Women's Marathon gave me something to focus on when the going got tough and a goal to work towards if I found myself unemployed. Seeing myself in a similar place as last March, it makes sense to register for the race again and hope it helps carry me through a potentially anxious summer. Maybe it will be the good luck charm that helps me keep my job for another year.
So, I am going to make a group for the NWM 2011 and get a group of people together to run the race. I have a guaranteed entry, and I hope that if I use a group ID it will mean my group will have an entry as well. No matter where you are or if we have met before, if you follow my blog I would LOVE it if you would consider getting together to run this race! If this sounds good, leave a comment and we can figure out how to make this happen. I plan on getting the group ID in the next few weeks and I will post more about it when I get it.
This race was a ton of fun. The course was challenging, and I liked that there is a half marathon option than that your team can be a mix of half and full runners. Even in the rain, I had a great time. My goal this year is to not hit the wall and limp around the lake miles 18-22, as well as set a new course record, hopefully sub 5 hours. I am slow, I know.
On a final note, I was reading the McRunner's blog (the guy who ran the LA Marathon after eating a diet of McDonalds for 30 days), and a quote really stuck out to me:
"At 4:16 I ran 3-4 days per week, for a peak of about 35 miles. To run 2:36:54 last year, I put in 10-13 runs per week (ran 7 days per week) and hit 105 miles. While the numbers are just for reference, I have seen everyone around me improve with additional mileage. Arthur Lydiard hit on something when he said, 'Miles make champions.' "
I am a slow runner. But I am a new runner. I have no formal training. Everything I know about running is from reading 2 books, my subscriptions to Runner's World, Google, and the blogs I follow. I am running 2-3 days a week and will peak below 30 miles. I never played sports. I hardly worked out before I started running 2 years ago. He is well on his was to cutting is time in half. If I cut my time in half, I could EARN a BQ. My new Mantra is "Miles Make Champions". It make take me a while to put the words into action (I need to learn some stress management first), but I am determined to make it happen.
Not only will I break 5 hours for a marathon, but I will someday break 3:30. And I am going to do it one mile at a time.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Running Blues
Today is a school holiday, so thankfully I have time to get caught up with grad school stuff and put in a run. A terrible, slow, sad run, but 5 miles is 5 miles, so I'll take it. My goal is to get in one more short run tomorrow (3 miles) so I can make this the highest mileage week for 2011. I also hope to log a nice long run of 10 miles on Sunday, which will help keep me on pace to get to Mexico before the end of the year. Maybe I should showcase the towns I could have run to with my miles each month. That might be humorous. I need humor right now.
Today was the first time I was actually sad during my run. After 2.5 miles I just wasn't getting the exhilaration that pounding pavement gives me. There is just so much going on with work, home, and school, I feel like I am going to shut down at any moment. Being sad when running is scary. Running is supposed to beat the blues. I am hoping that a longer run will produce different results. The first few miles are always a struggle for me. Today it was a little better for mile 5, but nothing like the thrills I have gotten before. I think that is why my pace was so slow and I just couldn't kick it into high gear. I am in a rut and I have to figure out how to get out of it. Maybe winning an entry to the Boston Marathon this year would help perk me up? I put in an entry on a whim, we'll see what happens :)
Today was the first time I was actually sad during my run. After 2.5 miles I just wasn't getting the exhilaration that pounding pavement gives me. There is just so much going on with work, home, and school, I feel like I am going to shut down at any moment. Being sad when running is scary. Running is supposed to beat the blues. I am hoping that a longer run will produce different results. The first few miles are always a struggle for me. Today it was a little better for mile 5, but nothing like the thrills I have gotten before. I think that is why my pace was so slow and I just couldn't kick it into high gear. I am in a rut and I have to figure out how to get out of it. Maybe winning an entry to the Boston Marathon this year would help perk me up? I put in an entry on a whim, we'll see what happens :)
Monday, December 20, 2010
O-M-G!!!!!!!
The past few days have been good progress getting back into the swing of things. I still need to get gel inserts, but since mileage is low still I don't feel any rush to visit Dr. Schols. 2 miles on the dreadmill Thursday, 30 minutes on the elliptical Friday and today, and hopefully 3 miles tonight once I get done with this post. I can't wait for it to stop raining so I can start building miles again...I just can't do more than 30 minutes on the dreadmill... it is sooooo boring! Maybe my next post will devoted to researching the top 10 things to make the dreadmill less boring, lol.
So, guess who wasn't going to run tonight because she is cold, it is raining, and the dreadmill sucks? Me. But then I got a Blogger Award from Jes at Self Motivation , so I have to go back into the cold so I can keep up my good progress ;) Thanks Jes for kicking my butt and helping me keep my eyes on the prize!
Now, there is little about me that is stylish. I wear jeans, t-shirts, and Chuck Taylors. My boyfriend's furniture matches better than mine. To give myself some credit, I am getting my hair done tomorrow, which makes me look more stylish than I really am for a couple weeks. I am just style challenged. But I admire people with style, so that must count towards something as well.
I have been told I do write with style. In fact, I have been told my writing is identical to the way I talk. And sometimes I do have a way with words. So when my blog is whiny, can you imagine how whiny I must be in real life. Be thankful you don't live with me. But enough of me justifying an award I have already won. The deets of the award:
So, it is kinda like a blog version of a chain letter. Except it doesn't make you mad because it is an award and it doesn't threaten to ruin your life if you don't pass it on. I am not sure if 7 people even allow me to stalk follow their blogs, so hopefully my first child won't be cursed if I can only pass it on to 6.
I have really weird and awkward anxieties. Like, I hate to say positive things about myself without following them up with something negative. How annoying is that! I think they call it low self-esteem....I call it breaking yourself down so people feel too awkward to say mean things to you. Lol.
I love to read. Nothing is more relaxing than a good book. My love overflows into book hoarding. I feel like if I get rid of a book I am also getting rid of the story. Physical possession of the book means I still have the knowledge. Not sure where I picked up this delusion. No one else in my family does this. Or reads as much I do. Maybe one day i'll have to bee one of those tragic ladies on TLC where they have to save her from here own self-destructive book hoarding behavior.
I sincerely believe that there is nothing I can't learn or do, besides learning a foreign language. I have a cocky confidence that I could learn any job and probably do it better than anyone else. I think that is how I ended up being a high school Math teacher, even though I studied to be an elementary school teacher and have a Religious Studies degree. That's also how I ended up a runner... someone once told me I would probably never be able to run a marathon because I was not an athlete. WHO IS THE REAL ATHLETE NOW MY FRIEND?!?!?!?!?! BOOYAH!!!!!! As for the foreign language thing, I think I lost that part of my brain when I got that concussion in college. Just slammed it right out of the ol' noggin.
I love to cook and I love to eat. Someday I want to sell my ice cream and food at a farmer's market or something just for fun. Not to make money, but just to see people enjoy the food I can make. I love watching people eat what I have made. Nothing is more satisfying that preparing an excellent meal for people that you love. Favorite recipes: Crab Rangoon and Lemon Sorbet (not together, of course). I can send them to you if you want em!
I have crazy vivid dreams. They can ruin my day if I wake up and I have trouble separating dream from reality. They often make me mad, sad, or make me scared, and sometimes I get really upset with people for things they do in my dreams, even though they didn't really happen. I dream often and usually multiple times a night. I typically can remember them in a ridiculous amount of detail and remember them for many years after they happen.
I hate to be alone, yet I am not a very social person. I was so bored today on my first day of winter vacation because I didn't have anyone to talk with until JF came home from work. Really hard coming down from seeing some of my favorite people thins weekend an being super social. It will help to be home and be around family. I am already making a list of things to talk about with my new hairdresser tomorrow so I can fulfill my social cravings. And, JF is taking me to Mustards tomorrow, which is supposed to be way yummy, so I have that to look forward to as well. I think teaching is good for me because I get to interact with so many different people through the course of the day while regulating how social I want to be.
So, enough about me. Time to pass this sweet award on to some deserving bloggers. Here are some ladies who's writing style and sense of humor I just adore. I highly recommend you check them out!
Beth at Shut Up And Run: She has like a million of these things, so this is probably just another drop in her bucket of awesomeness. She is inspiring as an athlete, offensive in the funniest of ways, and just a good hearted person. Her blog always raises my spirits (but sometimes turns my stomach) and has inspired the shirts for a friend's Bachelorette Party in Vegas this year (Pussy Posse 2011). Yay Beth!
Devon at Love Notes: Devon just started blogging (maybe this week?) but I know her blog is going to be fabulous. She has a beautiful family, a great sense of humor, and tells it like it is. She might just be the cutest military mom you'll ever read. I hope this encourages her to keep blogging!
Skinny Runner: This is, by definition, what a stylish running blog is. I pretty much want to be her and plan on race stalking her if I ever move back to Southern California. I am pretty sure she has a ton of blogging awards as well because she is fabulous.
Raquel at Nelepovitz Family: Raquel (aka bestie) is the most stylish person I know, and she can do it on a dime. I can't wait till that little bun pops out of the oven because she is going to post some awesome DIY baby stuff. And, she pretty much is the one that got me into blogging.
Joanna at Joanna Runs: Another one of the people who found me randomly and still follows my blog, even through the darkest times. She is funny. I am not. She is such a great follower because she leaves the best messages and is so encouraging. I stole the term "dreadmill" from her, which I plan to overuse as much as possible until spring.
Jamie at Daydream Believer: I love her new(ish) custom blog and think she is at her best when doing the weekly review of The Bachelorette, which is my guilty pleasure and why I started following her in the first place. Super cute, super funny.
So, guess who wasn't going to run tonight because she is cold, it is raining, and the dreadmill sucks? Me. But then I got a Blogger Award from Jes at Self Motivation , so I have to go back into the cold so I can keep up my good progress ;) Thanks Jes for kicking my butt and helping me keep my eyes on the prize!Now, there is little about me that is stylish. I wear jeans, t-shirts, and Chuck Taylors. My boyfriend's furniture matches better than mine. To give myself some credit, I am getting my hair done tomorrow, which makes me look more stylish than I really am for a couple weeks. I am just style challenged. But I admire people with style, so that must count towards something as well.
I have been told I do write with style. In fact, I have been told my writing is identical to the way I talk. And sometimes I do have a way with words. So when my blog is whiny, can you imagine how whiny I must be in real life. Be thankful you don't live with me. But enough of me justifying an award I have already won. The deets of the award:
The Award’s Rules:
Thank the person who gave you the award.
Tell 7 facts about yourself.
Give the award to 7 bloggers you just love.
Leave the 7 bloggers a comment telling them they won.
So, it is kinda like a blog version of a chain letter. Except it doesn't make you mad because it is an award and it doesn't threaten to ruin your life if you don't pass it on. I am not sure if 7 people even allow me to stalk follow their blogs, so hopefully my first child won't be cursed if I can only pass it on to 6.
7 Things About Me:
I have really weird and awkward anxieties. Like, I hate to say positive things about myself without following them up with something negative. How annoying is that! I think they call it low self-esteem....I call it breaking yourself down so people feel too awkward to say mean things to you. Lol.
I love to read. Nothing is more relaxing than a good book. My love overflows into book hoarding. I feel like if I get rid of a book I am also getting rid of the story. Physical possession of the book means I still have the knowledge. Not sure where I picked up this delusion. No one else in my family does this. Or reads as much I do. Maybe one day i'll have to bee one of those tragic ladies on TLC where they have to save her from here own self-destructive book hoarding behavior.
I sincerely believe that there is nothing I can't learn or do, besides learning a foreign language. I have a cocky confidence that I could learn any job and probably do it better than anyone else. I think that is how I ended up being a high school Math teacher, even though I studied to be an elementary school teacher and have a Religious Studies degree. That's also how I ended up a runner... someone once told me I would probably never be able to run a marathon because I was not an athlete. WHO IS THE REAL ATHLETE NOW MY FRIEND?!?!?!?!?! BOOYAH!!!!!! As for the foreign language thing, I think I lost that part of my brain when I got that concussion in college. Just slammed it right out of the ol' noggin.
I've always been fascinated by religion but in the last 10 years have really struggled to find a faith/faith community that speaks to me. Our spare bedroom is full of books on nearly every religion. I love bits and pieces of them all. Recently I have been feeling the tug to re-explore spirituality but have been too stressed to deal with it. I think it is important to raise children with some religious guidance. Faith communities can do a lot to help families raise morally sound children, and I really want to provide the sanctuary and structure of religion to my family. Not that I am in the family way, married, or even engaged...
I love to cook and I love to eat. Someday I want to sell my ice cream and food at a farmer's market or something just for fun. Not to make money, but just to see people enjoy the food I can make. I love watching people eat what I have made. Nothing is more satisfying that preparing an excellent meal for people that you love. Favorite recipes: Crab Rangoon and Lemon Sorbet (not together, of course). I can send them to you if you want em!
I have crazy vivid dreams. They can ruin my day if I wake up and I have trouble separating dream from reality. They often make me mad, sad, or make me scared, and sometimes I get really upset with people for things they do in my dreams, even though they didn't really happen. I dream often and usually multiple times a night. I typically can remember them in a ridiculous amount of detail and remember them for many years after they happen.
I hate to be alone, yet I am not a very social person. I was so bored today on my first day of winter vacation because I didn't have anyone to talk with until JF came home from work. Really hard coming down from seeing some of my favorite people thins weekend an being super social. It will help to be home and be around family. I am already making a list of things to talk about with my new hairdresser tomorrow so I can fulfill my social cravings. And, JF is taking me to Mustards tomorrow, which is supposed to be way yummy, so I have that to look forward to as well. I think teaching is good for me because I get to interact with so many different people through the course of the day while regulating how social I want to be.
So, enough about me. Time to pass this sweet award on to some deserving bloggers. Here are some ladies who's writing style and sense of humor I just adore. I highly recommend you check them out!
Beth at Shut Up And Run: She has like a million of these things, so this is probably just another drop in her bucket of awesomeness. She is inspiring as an athlete, offensive in the funniest of ways, and just a good hearted person. Her blog always raises my spirits (but sometimes turns my stomach) and has inspired the shirts for a friend's Bachelorette Party in Vegas this year (Pussy Posse 2011). Yay Beth!
Devon at Love Notes: Devon just started blogging (maybe this week?) but I know her blog is going to be fabulous. She has a beautiful family, a great sense of humor, and tells it like it is. She might just be the cutest military mom you'll ever read. I hope this encourages her to keep blogging!
Skinny Runner: This is, by definition, what a stylish running blog is. I pretty much want to be her and plan on race stalking her if I ever move back to Southern California. I am pretty sure she has a ton of blogging awards as well because she is fabulous.
Raquel at Nelepovitz Family: Raquel (aka bestie) is the most stylish person I know, and she can do it on a dime. I can't wait till that little bun pops out of the oven because she is going to post some awesome DIY baby stuff. And, she pretty much is the one that got me into blogging.
Joanna at Joanna Runs: Another one of the people who found me randomly and still follows my blog, even through the darkest times. She is funny. I am not. She is such a great follower because she leaves the best messages and is so encouraging. I stole the term "dreadmill" from her, which I plan to overuse as much as possible until spring.
Jamie at Daydream Believer: I love her new(ish) custom blog and think she is at her best when doing the weekly review of The Bachelorette, which is my guilty pleasure and why I started following her in the first place. Super cute, super funny.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The countdown begins...
Exactly 6 weeks from today, I am supposedly running 26.2 miles. Last weekend I could only muster 7 because I felt like I was getting sick, and this weekend I am definitely sick, sleeping all day and feeling too lethargic to do anything productive. Obviously, this is the point in my training where I start freaking out.
How I am going to gain 10 more miles in training is beyond me. I am at least thankful I've gotten some good hill training in. I know I am built for hills. But am I built to go the distance? I don't think we will know until race day. The new teaching job has me working 12-14 hour days, running on barely enough sleep to function, and infinitely exhausted. This was the first week I did NOTHING for training... not even weights or elliptical.
Some people might say to just skip this race and play in safe. But $120 registration fee, a sexy firefighter wearing a tuxedo waiting for me at the finish line with a Tiffany's necklace, and free chocolate and socks along the way, well, I am not going to give all that up. I've told too many people. The expectations to finish are so high. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. That I can be an athlete. But seriously, I am starting to get a little scared about what the outcomes might be!
How I am going to gain 10 more miles in training is beyond me. I am at least thankful I've gotten some good hill training in. I know I am built for hills. But am I built to go the distance? I don't think we will know until race day. The new teaching job has me working 12-14 hour days, running on barely enough sleep to function, and infinitely exhausted. This was the first week I did NOTHING for training... not even weights or elliptical.
Some people might say to just skip this race and play in safe. But $120 registration fee, a sexy firefighter wearing a tuxedo waiting for me at the finish line with a Tiffany's necklace, and free chocolate and socks along the way, well, I am not going to give all that up. I've told too many people. The expectations to finish are so high. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. That I can be an athlete. But seriously, I am starting to get a little scared about what the outcomes might be!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Good Things!
I have kinda been slacking on posting good things every Friday, but this week I will not let you down.
This morning I had the best run I have had in a long time. A new route and I felt AMAZING the entire run. Usually I have to fight through the three mile funk before I warm up the exhilaration of running, but not today! I might have even been SMILING while running. Imagine that! I didn't get the hills in as much as I was craving, but I found a spur off this new route that is going to promise some very sweet climbs. This is the second wind I really needed to get for the last 2 months of marathon training. Three runs already this week and I am going to try to squeeze in one more. Hooray!
More good news? The Bestie is starting a book club. I am stoked. I swear, she knows exactly what I need and delivers just when I need it! I doubt she did it because of me, but I am going to give her credit for it anyways. She is amazing. I never been in a book club before. Another first to add to the list in this new chapter of my life!
The cat has finally calmed down and stop mauling me and all the people near and dear to me. Dare I say she is happy? (Dare!Dare!). I haven't had one problem with her since we got to Napa, and I am relieved. If she didn't shape up, we were going to have to explore other options, which wasn't looking so good for her. Guess she just doesn't work well under stress. Or perhaps it is the fact that now I have my classroom keys and curriculum, I am finally settled into my place, and I am starting to meet new people, I am no longer wallowing in my own stress, bringing her down with me. I hope she is not a barometer of myself, because she was really terrible the last 2 months. I'd like to think I was not that bad.
This morning I had the best run I have had in a long time. A new route and I felt AMAZING the entire run. Usually I have to fight through the three mile funk before I warm up the exhilaration of running, but not today! I might have even been SMILING while running. Imagine that! I didn't get the hills in as much as I was craving, but I found a spur off this new route that is going to promise some very sweet climbs. This is the second wind I really needed to get for the last 2 months of marathon training. Three runs already this week and I am going to try to squeeze in one more. Hooray!
The cat has finally calmed down and stop mauling me and all the people near and dear to me. Dare I say she is happy? (Dare!Dare!). I haven't had one problem with her since we got to Napa, and I am relieved. If she didn't shape up, we were going to have to explore other options, which wasn't looking so good for her. Guess she just doesn't work well under stress. Or perhaps it is the fact that now I have my classroom keys and curriculum, I am finally settled into my place, and I am starting to meet new people, I am no longer wallowing in my own stress, bringing her down with me. I hope she is not a barometer of myself, because she was really terrible the last 2 months. I'd like to think I was not that bad.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Back to Basics
Some people believe in fate and destiny, others believe life has no true patterns, only the connections you choose to see. I am going to make a pattern out of coincidence? Perhaps, but maybe this weekend was meant to be.
Sometimes in life people will make you doubt the decisions of your past. You simply can't let them do this. The past is behind you, and that is where it needs to stay. So much in life is knowing the people who propel you forward and the type of people who hold you back. This distinction is not easily made, and you might spend your whole life learning to tell the difference between the two. When you do something you know is right, and other people try to make you second guess, watch for the person who can see the truth as you see it and help you stay true to your path. You must be your biggest advocate. If you don't advocate for yourself, then who will?
This doesn't mean be narrow-minded, seeking out only people who agree with you. It means be a truth seeker, and surround yourself with good honest people who can help you see what is best for yourself. To do this, you first must know yourself.
Last night I got some needed closure. It wasn't the little thing I thought it would be; I feel lighter and better balanced today than I have felt in a long time. Realizing how off-center I have allowed myself to become, I feel a renewed commitment to getting down to the core of me. Who is Stephanie? What does she stand for? I am NOT the anxious, socially withdrawn person I have allowed myself to be last handful of months.
This summer, I am going to re-center and get back to who I have always been. There is no reason to let anyone or anything keep me down.
Sometimes in life people will make you doubt the decisions of your past. You simply can't let them do this. The past is behind you, and that is where it needs to stay. So much in life is knowing the people who propel you forward and the type of people who hold you back. This distinction is not easily made, and you might spend your whole life learning to tell the difference between the two. When you do something you know is right, and other people try to make you second guess, watch for the person who can see the truth as you see it and help you stay true to your path. You must be your biggest advocate. If you don't advocate for yourself, then who will?
This doesn't mean be narrow-minded, seeking out only people who agree with you. It means be a truth seeker, and surround yourself with good honest people who can help you see what is best for yourself. To do this, you first must know yourself.
Last night I got some needed closure. It wasn't the little thing I thought it would be; I feel lighter and better balanced today than I have felt in a long time. Realizing how off-center I have allowed myself to become, I feel a renewed commitment to getting down to the core of me. Who is Stephanie? What does she stand for? I am NOT the anxious, socially withdrawn person I have allowed myself to be last handful of months.
I AM STRONG
I AM INDEPENDENT
I AM IN CONTROL
This summer, I am going to re-center and get back to who I have always been. There is no reason to let anyone or anything keep me down.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Good Things: Early Edition
Since it is almost Friday, and since Friday will probably pass me by in whirlwind, I think it is best to throw out some good things I have got going for me. Today is one of those day where I really need to list good things to keep me on track.
It is such a good thing to have good friends. Especially friends that help you get back into training. It was so good today to have the Bestie tell me I needed to get out and run instead of have a meltdown. She is so wise. She is such a good motivator, she should be trainer. Seriously. She has a magic connection. I wish she was running the marathon with me.
It is also good to have friends who don't mind meltdowns, check in on you after you have had one, talk you through one, and try to get you to realize that you are not the only one having them. Without some of the ladies in my cohort, I would be an utter mess. I am so glad one of them will be there with me when we both complete our first marathon. Friends are fabulous.
The final good thing is that I passed my PACT with remarkable scores. I am so proud of the work I did and it feels so good to be recognized with high marks. That, my long walk through downtown, and carbfest at the hot foods bar at the coop got me through the afternoon (the mac and cheese is heavenly).
Now to celebrate the good things other people have going for them: Master's degree graduation!
It is such a good thing to have good friends. Especially friends that help you get back into training. It was so good today to have the Bestie tell me I needed to get out and run instead of have a meltdown. She is so wise. She is such a good motivator, she should be trainer. Seriously. She has a magic connection. I wish she was running the marathon with me.
It is also good to have friends who don't mind meltdowns, check in on you after you have had one, talk you through one, and try to get you to realize that you are not the only one having them. Without some of the ladies in my cohort, I would be an utter mess. I am so glad one of them will be there with me when we both complete our first marathon. Friends are fabulous.
The final good thing is that I passed my PACT with remarkable scores. I am so proud of the work I did and it feels so good to be recognized with high marks. That, my long walk through downtown, and carbfest at the hot foods bar at the coop got me through the afternoon (the mac and cheese is heavenly).
Now to celebrate the good things other people have going for them: Master's degree graduation!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Week 3 comes to an end
Week 3 of training has officially come to a close. As I sit here blogging, I have a bag of ice balanced on my left knee and ibuprofen in my tummy. No, it isn't that bad, but this is just a precaution. I don't want week 4 to be a bust.
Looking back, I am really surprised/proud that I was able to hold it together this week to get the miles in that I did. I missed a day of running, and my cross training was weak (no core exercises), but considering it felt like the world was collapsing in on me most of the week and I was fighting a constant war with pollen (the spore count was epic this week), I didn't do half bad. It helped to get the confirmation for the marathon midweek. The pressure is on!
This week I completed a total of 20 miles; two 5 mile runs and a 10 mile long run. I feel like next week's long run can be stepped up to 11 miles, as long as I get all my runs in leading up to it. It feels so good to know that I had the strength to end this week with a bang and meet my long run goal. My total training milage is now up to 66.5 miles!
This week was about self talk and getting out the front door. Last week I needed a lot of self talk on the runs, but this week I needed it before the runs. My new strategy is is to tell myself I am going to run and talk it up so I am mentally committed. I mean really talk it up. Put on my clothes. Get my water bottles filled. And just go.
As I run, I have been playing with the idea of keeping more notes about my training. So many people write books for the bourgeoning marathon market, so why can't I? I am playing with ideas to find a niche that will appeal to publishers. How rad would that be, to publish a book!?!?!?! Good thing long runs give me a lot of time to think about things like this!
We'll end this blog with a gel and chew review (it rhymes! I will make note of that for my book lol). Today was Clif shots strawberry (gag), strawberry Clif shot bloks (tastes better as you eat more of them/need them desperately), and Gu jet blackberry (yum!). Honey stingers cherry blossom still win for best tasting chew, but Gu Jet Blackberry has taken the lead. Finally, a gel that doesn't make me want to yak or curdle in my tummy as I bounce up and down for 2 hours!
Looking back, I am really surprised/proud that I was able to hold it together this week to get the miles in that I did. I missed a day of running, and my cross training was weak (no core exercises), but considering it felt like the world was collapsing in on me most of the week and I was fighting a constant war with pollen (the spore count was epic this week), I didn't do half bad. It helped to get the confirmation for the marathon midweek. The pressure is on!
This week I completed a total of 20 miles; two 5 mile runs and a 10 mile long run. I feel like next week's long run can be stepped up to 11 miles, as long as I get all my runs in leading up to it. It feels so good to know that I had the strength to end this week with a bang and meet my long run goal. My total training milage is now up to 66.5 miles!
This week was about self talk and getting out the front door. Last week I needed a lot of self talk on the runs, but this week I needed it before the runs. My new strategy is is to tell myself I am going to run and talk it up so I am mentally committed. I mean really talk it up. Put on my clothes. Get my water bottles filled. And just go.
As I run, I have been playing with the idea of keeping more notes about my training. So many people write books for the bourgeoning marathon market, so why can't I? I am playing with ideas to find a niche that will appeal to publishers. How rad would that be, to publish a book!?!?!?! Good thing long runs give me a lot of time to think about things like this!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Week Two: Small Victories
Today reminded me that I don't always need my ipod to run. In fact, I actually need to shut it off so I can clear my mind. Sometimes I need to the rhythm of my shoes hitting the pavement to ease my soul.
This day was a whirlwind of emotions that nearly swept me away. So much of running is self-talk: that voice in your head that drives you forward and keeps you in control. Tonight's run was my way of regaining control and restoring balance. Normally on a day like this, I come home, eat a high carb meal, and curl up in bed to sleep my anxieties away. Instead, I ran, and every step reminded me that I am in control because I didn't let the day overtake me. With every step I took, I reminded myself that it was proof that I was in control.
No lies: today's run was awful, but I did my 5 miles and cut off a minute or so. I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out. I have a huge blister and my knee is killing me. It wasn't some race to personal freedom and now I and humming some happy tune. I still feel overwhelmed by the day. But, at least I have this small victory that I didn't let it get in the way of my training. Don't they say it is the small victories that make all the difference? Maybe I really am cut out for this marathon stuff after all...
This day was a whirlwind of emotions that nearly swept me away. So much of running is self-talk: that voice in your head that drives you forward and keeps you in control. Tonight's run was my way of regaining control and restoring balance. Normally on a day like this, I come home, eat a high carb meal, and curl up in bed to sleep my anxieties away. Instead, I ran, and every step reminded me that I am in control because I didn't let the day overtake me. With every step I took, I reminded myself that it was proof that I was in control.
No lies: today's run was awful, but I did my 5 miles and cut off a minute or so. I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out. I have a huge blister and my knee is killing me. It wasn't some race to personal freedom and now I and humming some happy tune. I still feel overwhelmed by the day. But, at least I have this small victory that I didn't let it get in the way of my training. Don't they say it is the small victories that make all the difference? Maybe I really am cut out for this marathon stuff after all...
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