Here's the deal:
Boston anxiety has consumed me. I am freaking out about being alone during the race and in the hotel.
* I feel like I don't deserve to be racing. I feel like a cheater for running without qualifying or raising money for a charity. Because of this, I feel awkward talking about the race and explaining to people that I am not fast. Especially people who ran it in the past and worked really hard to qualify.
* I am super paranoid about injuries. Last marathon I had to walk and hard terrible pain in my knee and hip. My knee has felt weird all week. Probably just my imagination, but it is still freaking me out. I want to run. I know I can have a great PR if I can just run and not walk.
* I am afraid of not finishing and disappointing my Boston peeps, and mom, who really helped fund some of the travel expenses to make this a reality. I know they wouldn't be disappointed, and that the only disappointed person will be myself, but as much as I try to convince myself of the logic, I still am freaking out.
Hence no posts, no mileage updates, and pretty much going dark for the past few weeks. I realize I did the same thing before NWM in October. How do other runners deal with the pre-race jitters with so much grace?
HOWEVER, I promise the next post will be exciting and full of positive news, a hopefully a new marathon PR, perhaps a sub 5 hour finish, and tons of great pictures.
24 hours until I leave for the airport. 72 hours until I am drinking to my victory.