Monumental Turning Points

When you build a fortress to protect yourself from the heartache others have caused you, you tend to block EVERYBODY out. Once again Mom, you were right. I thought I was being independent, doing right by myself in efforts to make sure I would never have to depend on a man for anything. Men can't be depended on anyway, right? I couldn't see that I was setting up my life to have to do things alone.

Historically, I have never been one for teamwork. I hold true to the mantra "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." So if I really want to transition into the next phase of life, to find someone to spend the rest of my days with and start a family with, I suppose today is the day I am going to have to learn to be a team player. Folks, this is not going to be easy.

Aren't relationships about sharing and doing this as partners, together? Not just watching someone achieve their dreams and hoping that they mesh well with your own achievements? I am quite positive there is no good man who wants to sit back and watch as I buy my own house and plan my own trips while he just tags along. A good man will want to buy a house with me, plan trips with me. My problem? I haven't been properly schooled in what a man who is good for me looks like.

Oh Yeah!

Today was a critical milestone in my marathon training. I felt like I was in an epic training story, it was A-MAZ-ING! So, I get up this morning and I am totally pumped for my run, deciding to log 13 miles today with significant hill work, including the small mountain I scouted out last week. The hill starts a little before mile 4, and I am climbing up my merry little way. Now, this is no hill. This is a mountain appropriately named Atlas Peak. 15 minutes into the climb as I run around a turn, I just stop. I sit on the guard rail on the side of the mountain staring up at The Wall. If you are a runner, you know what I mean by The Wall, and it probably made you shudder just thinking about it. If you aren't a runner, The Wall is that thing you hit at the gym after panting on the treadmill for 10 minutes. The Wall knows no mercy and takes many victims.

So, staring up the hill at the wall, I start thinking maybe I set myself up for too much today. Then, the corniest thing happens. A song from Braveheart comes on the iPod and my Coach Stephanie appears out of no where. I look up the road, which climbs FOREVER, and I tell myself that part of training is making really hard choices. No one is going to push me up this hill, and if I quit here, I am going to cement that wall in place and never be able to conquer this peak. People DO NOT complete marathons by building walls. So what did I do? I channeled the Kool Aid man and busted through that wall (oh yeaahh!). One step at a time, watching my tempo, I climbed up the peak, and actually ended up running past my turn around point because I was loving the climb. And because there was this crazy looking goat at the top that I wanted to laugh at.

So, the final recap? I ran farther and longer today than I ever have in my life. 2 hours, 45 minutes. 14.1 miles. 1000 feet of ascent. I have never felt so confident about my ability as a runner. BOOYAH!

The last 24 hours have felt like everything in life was designed specifically for me. I don't feel like I am part of someone else's dream. This is my dream, everything has fallen into place into ways I never dreamed could be true, and I hope this amazing high lasts forever.

Good Things...

This Friday blog is so easy when things are fast, fun, and exciting. But when things are fast and frightening, these Friday blogs become that bag of saline hooked into your arm when you are in the ER. Or a road map when you are lost. I'll let you pick how dramatic you want to be today :)

Good things are that my classroom is pretty much good to go for the first day of school and all my policies, procedures, syllabi and nearing completion. By the end of the weekend the second week of school will be planned, and I should have a website up and going. If you are not a teacher, you have no idea what a seriously good thing is when you are a neophyte like me.

The good thing that will carry me through today is waking up to Bob Marley singing to ME "Don't worry about a thing every little things gonna be alright". Ok, not in person, in my head, but someone sent three little birds to my mind's doorstep telling me the chill out. Much appreciated Bob, much appreciated.

Lastly, having good friends who will help me talk stuff through without judging me too harshly is what is going to make it beyond the next week. There are so many path right now, and silly me, I have chosen the hardest one with IEDs and snipers all along the way. But if I can properly navigate things, everything might just turn out happily every after.

Happy Friday everyone! I'm off to find my belly laugh for the day so I don't turn into psycho first year teacher. Big run this weekend, with a new hill (or dare I say MOUNTAIN!) so there should be much to complain share with you soon!